Says we are separating and I don’t get a choice

[eggshellfiancee]

I’ve posted many times before and you guys have been helpful.

My husband stopped sleeping in the room with me months ago. He claims I’m not doing anything to change that. He wants me to “sit him down and talk to him about how I’m going to fix it.” Every time I try to do that he says I’m still not telling him anything substantive. I’m at my wits end.

Last week I told him I wanted to address this. I had a four day weekend and I could do it. Problem was he basically kept us busy the whole time and then blamed me for never bringing it up. I don’t know what this magical “it” is he wants.

He texted me over the weekend that unless I’m talking to him about addressing the problem then I should only communicate with him through a lawyer. I went numb.

Today I came home from work and just didn’t talk to him. He took all my clothes out of the closet - an angry move he does when he wants to show me he’s “helping me pack.” I still remained quiet because I just can’t keep letting his manipulative tactics get the best of me.

He then came in the room and told me that when our lease is up we are separating. Says this weekend was the last straw. I literally don’t know what he wants me to do, but he won’t even listen to my pleading at this point. He says it’s over and I don’t get a choice.

I truly don’t want him to leave. When things are good they’re really good, but he’s been in a severe depression for months and has expected me to fix it. I just cannot. I’m so sad. I have a feeling he doesn’t mean it, he’s threatened divorce before, but what if he does?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Carguy]

I totally understand this. My ex uBPD was always getting upset at me for not bringing up and talking about things that were bothering her. She would tell me that it really bothers her that she's the one that always has to bring these things up. I always thought "How am I suppose to read your mind and know the things that are bothering you in that moment?"

I'm still learning but it sounds to me like it's the push part of the push/pull happening. He may be bluffing about divorce and he may not be. I know in my relationship there was a lot of push/pull the last while and we broke up and came back together several times. It truly is an emotional rollercoaster.

I do feel for you being there recently myself. I truly didn't want her to leave me either because like you said, when it's good it's really good! She has chosen to start seeing another guy so all as I can do now is work on my own healing.

As far as advice, I'm not sure what I can offer because I'm still trying to learn myself. All I can say is hang in there and be sure to take care of yourself.

[GaGrl]

What do you want to do next -- not him...YOU.

Who will drive your life, your future...him, or YOU?

What would happen if you suggested a therapeutic separation for 90 days? Would he agree?