Do I love her when she has an episode? I don't think so.

[joshbjoshb]

This is a topic that bothers me a lot.

The situation has been improving for a few months now, but now we are dealing with another stressful situation and she is back to her full blown bpd mode. Rages, blame non-stop.

And I am so tired. I am not validating because I myself am under stress, it's good stress but it still requires a lot of energy so I have very little left for other things. And I honestly can't say I love her. I am committed - yes, but don't know about love.

How can you love someone when you feel criticized non-stop? Can you?

Today I asked her to do me a small favor. She was so fast to say no, and to think that I almost always say yes to any request, or at least say yes enough times. With her it's always about herself 100% of the time. She doesn't care for my well being, she doesn't care if something makes me happy or sad. It's all about how it makes her feel.

And it's tough to love someone that really is so self centered.

If it sounds like I am filled with self pity, I am not.  I did tremendous work on myself and I am in a much better place than I was. But when the rages are back on, I honestly feel that I more than a caretaker than a husband.

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[Turkish]

I hear you.  My ex once exclaimed, "are you still in love with me?" As she cried. Being honest, I didn't say anything.  No I wasn't. I think at that point I knew about her affair. I did still love her, but I wasn't "in love" with her at least according to her definition.  I hadn't been for a long time. It was a "daddy-daughter" r/s and when I realized that, I was horrified.  I was a caretaker like you.

Where do you see this going?