Advice: Stand Ground with a Life Changing Decision

[Troi]

Dogs are our children - my BPD husband and I have rescued them for years and it is something that we have a strong bond over. One of two of our current fur babies, who has had anxiety, fear issues, and chemical imbalance her whole life has reached a new level of aggression. “Boss” was my first dog, love at first sight, and I raised him from a young age to an elder. I am faced with putting him down after a recent serious  attack on me (the one he loves and trusts most in this world)- my husband advocated against it and admits he has an undeniable soft place in his heart for this dog with mental illness because of his own condition. I fear “giving up” on this dog terrifies him that I have this in me, and may be a mirror that I would one day have it in me to give up on him. I will be honest- a level of trust has been broken between me and Boss, since the attack, I have been afraid around him. We are walking on eggshells around this dog now- he’s changed. He continues to growl, hiss. He will not follow me like he used to. My husband said that putting him down is my decision because (1) he is my dog and (2) he attacked me. I was confident that putting Boss down was right for our safety and his quality of life. When he learned this, he pleaded for Boss’s life and I canceled the euthanasia. He wants to spend thousands of dollars on aggression rehab. I wish he would have trusted my decision, although he did validate my feelings. How can I share with my BPD husband that I am willing to say goodbye, that this decision is hard and scary but is mine to make? He says he will see me differently- a case of BPDs seeing black-and-white. I have tried to meet him in the middle, I am working with Boss the next week to muzzle train, crate train (required for professional training). If he shows little progress, then I feel compelled to put our baby down. This hurts so much, I’ve cried for days,, but again, I feel like this is the most peaceful road forward.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Gemsforeyes]

Dear Troi-

I am so so sorry.  I too am a rescue dog mom and have had to put down my babies.  It’s a horrible decision, but we have to make it sometimes.

What does your vet advise based on Boss’ recent attack on you?  We know that it’s a very odd behavior for a rescue to go after their original rescuer.  And I’m wondering if Boss may be suffering some type of medical issue that is causing him pain... and he’s trying to tell you.

Either way, if the safety of anyone in the home, including your other dog, is at risk... well sometimes there is no choice but to humanely release your poor beloved pet.

I am so sorry.

Warmly,
Gemsforeyes

[Radcliff]

Let me join Gemsforeyes in welcoming you.  Like her, I also wondered if there might be some medical condition explaining the behavior.  I'm so sorry to hear that you've arrived at this difficult place after years of good living with Boss.

RC

[Troi]

Thank you both for the thoughtful posts. Husband and I had a very focused and connected dialogue about Boss. We both felt very heard- it felt amazing and validating.✔️

He also thinks Boss may have a (new) physical/medical condition that’s causing the change. While scary and unknown, I feel after this talk we are on the same side. I think it took a lot for each of us to see each other’s perspective in this crisis.

We are getting Boss examined soon. Whatever his fate, feeling supported by this group and by hubby.

[Radcliff]

I'm so glad to hear that you're feeling supported, and the conversation with your H went well.  Please keep us posted.

RC

[Gemsforeyes]

Dear Troi-

That is indeed good news that you felt supported by your H during the conversation about your sweet dog, Boss.

Letting your H know how much it means having him by your side no matter what is important.  Hopefully your H will go to the vet appointment with you.

Warmly,
Gems