I don't know how to move forward

After a horrible weekend I decided to leave for a few days to give us both space. The weekend started with a very simple disagreement that led to him feeling like I don't support him or believe how badly he is struggling. He spent two days screaming, sobbing and having panic attacks every time we tried to talk it out.
He told me many things I have heard before. I am the reason that he didn't follow through with his suicide attempt so therefore I am to blame for the hell he is in. He says he is begging me to be his partner and be there for him and I am there. I don't know what else I can do for him.
He for the first time told me he was leaving, had apartment listings and has given up on me. He wanted to consult with his psychiatrists before making the final move. I at first said I wasn't leaving and I was going to stay and fight for our marriage and for him. He quickly told me that I bring him nothing but pain and he is trying not to hate me. I decided in that moment to leave to stop the pain.
My family believes I am being manipulated and I do think that he desperately wants to be alone as he knows the pain that is caused by his outbursts. It makes me think that if he makes me the bad guy than he can leave and not feel that guilt.
I have told him I only want him to be happy and if that is not with me now then that is ok.
I am devastated to hear that this man that I adore blames me for his pain. It doesn't matter if it's not rational it is his reality.
Now I know I have to break the victim mentality and be strong and give him clear boundaries. I just don't know if I have it in me. He told me this is the week to put in the work to fight for him which just pisses me off. Why is he not fighting for me after everything he has done to me?
As I am writing this I know how it sounds. I have allowed him to think that I am dispensable and that he is allowed to project all of his pain onto me. I know we need space as I am not in a healthy place to help him through his issues.
I feel so broken and lost. One minute I am confident and the next I am a puddle of tears.
I don't have a question I just don't know what to do to make this better.



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