Breaking free and enjoying Christmas without the family members with BPD

[zachira]

Two years ago, my siblings with BP got angry for no apparent reasons and made it clear that they did not want me to participate in the family Christmas celebrations. I found this site and started learning a lot from others with similar stories. This Christmas was the first one that I enjoyed with friends without feeling sad about not being able to do Christmas with my family members anymore. Can you share your story about how Christmas celebrations have changed for you now that you are no longer spending Christmas with your family members with BPD and what you are doing instead?

[Kwamina]

Hi zachira

I am glad you were able to enjoy Christmas with your friends It is what it is and you cannot change your family-members, but you can indeed change your own responses and make different choices for how you want to interact with your family-members.

I personally still have contact with my disordered family-members (except for my brother with narcissistic traits), also during Christmas. The biggest change for me is in how I respond to their BPD behaviors (or not respond), the boundaries I set with them and the willingness to just walk away or leave if they were to act out again. That has significantly changed the relationship dynamics, even though their BPD is still very much present.

Happy New Year!

The Board Parrot

[TelHill]

zachira,

Am so glad you are having peaceful Christmas celebrations now!     Mine was painful but very insightful, thanks the helpful tips and tools at the top of the screen (& from great suggestions from bpd family members )

I have set boundaries with my dysfunctional brother (he's passive aggressive & has some NPD and BPD personality traits) by withdrawing from him. It's LC when he's around for a few hours a week. I don't volunteer information about myself or make comments about his life.  I also stay out of drama by complaining about my brother. My parents complain about him sometimes. I keep my responses to their direct questions of my opinion brief, general and vague.

It's been only a week. Am feeling relaxed which is a positive change.

I look forward to seeing what this new year will bring. I have more work to do to set boundaries, and to get my life restarted.  I don't have a shortage of challenges.

I hope you all have had a wonderful new year's day and have a fruitful year ahead.  

[Woolspinner2000]

Hi zachira, 

My uBPDm has passed away, but I do have my DH to deal with now that we are separated. He often shows many traits that remind me of my mom, so the tools I've learned here and in T have helped me tremendously in knowing how to deal with him. I am doing my best to remain true to my values, those inner core beliefs that I hold, while dealing with someone who is difficult. This year I was able to remain much more distant emotionally from him and see that some of the issues that I took personally are definitely a picture of who he is and really don't have anything to do with me. I also worked on keeping myself safe emotionally and physically.

 
Woolsie

[zachira]

Thank you for your replies. You all have a lot of wisdom about breaking away from the misery of dealing with family members with personality disorders and becoming a happy person in your own skin. I unfortunately became terribly ill right after Christmas, even though I was not stressed out due to the holidays. I have shingles. I attribute my illness to having a relapse. I have a long history of feeling great both physically and mentally until my family members with personality disorders go on the war path, and let me know I am not entitled to a happy life. This time I have not mentally relapsed. I am feeling calm and grateful for what I do have, even though I am chronically fatigued and at times uncomfortable. I realize I have some work to do on my immune system, to take better care of myself so I am not so vulnerable to gettting ill. I have a long history of feeling great at times, until I just tank emotionally and/or physically.