My mother has BPD

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hi everyone
I am looking for guidance from the group
My mother has been diagnosed with BPD by two psychiatrists
Unfortenately she refuses treatment as she doesn’t really believe there is anything wrong with her. She is also recovering from her second cancer scare, and divorcing my dad after 40years of marriage as she blames my father sister and I for her illness
At 31 years old I feel like a lot of things that happened in my life with her make sense, however I am also struggling to really see the behavior for what it is and not to feel guilty and try to pacify it as I have done for years.
How do you deal with this?

[River3]

Hi everyone
I am looking for guidance from the group
My mother has been diagnosed with BPD by two psychiatrists
Unfortenately she refuses treatment as she doesn’t really believe there is anything wrong with her. She is also recovering from her second cancer scare, and divorcing my dad after 40years of marriage as she blames my father sister and I for her illness
At 31 years old I feel like a lot of things that happened in my life with her make sense, however I am also struggling to really see the behavior for what it is and not to feel guilty and try to pacify it as I have done for years.
How do you deal with this?

[Harri]

Hi River and welcome to the board.

You asked:

How do you deal with this?

Do you mean with the fact that she thinks there is nothing wrong with her and is not getting help?  Or with your own struggles/

Everyone on this board is dealing with a person this BPD or BPD traits so we can help support you and maybe even share some coping strategies that might work.  Many of us are working on healing as well so you are in good company here.

How long ago was your mom diagnosed and when did you find out?   Is guilt what you struggle the most with?

[Methuen]

Hi River3

Welcome!

How do you deal with this?

On a general note, I woke up to my mom's uBPD about 6 months ago, after her behavior escalated over recent years, and I was feeling hopeless and helpless because of her behavior.  She's 83.  I'm 57.  When the BPD realization hit, I was pretty overwhelmed, and not coping.  Things that have helped me:

1) Using this board regularly, and taking the time to read all the info resources on the site
2) Reading books (Stop walking on eggshells, Loving Someone with BPD)
3) Seeing a clinical counsellor who understands and has experience with BPD
4) My husband's support

Six months later, I am in a much better place emotionally, and now realize that it's not my job to be my mom's rescuer, or feel her feelings for her.  I also understand BPD a lot better, and have learned a lot of new skills for how to interact with a BPD differently.  I mentioned that I am in a better place now, to give you hope, as one who has been where you possibly are now...

To start with, I would suggest picking 1 thing that appeals to you (post on this board, read a BPD book, find a T etc), and chip away at it slowly.  

It can get better.

however I am also struggling to really see the behavior for what it is

Can you give us an example of her behavior?