Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
March 28, 2024, 06:36:52 PM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Kells76, Once Removed, Turkish
Senior Ambassadors: Cat Familiar, EyesUp, SinisterComplex
  Help!   Boards   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Expert insight for adult children
101
Family dynamics matter.
Alan Fruzzetti, PhD
Listening to shame
Brené Brown, PhD
Blame - why we do it?
Brené Brown, PhD
How to spot a liar
Pamela Meyer
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: My mother has BPD  (Read 382 times)
River3
Fewer than 3 Posts
*
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Parent
Relationship status: Strained
Posts: 1


« on: January 18, 2020, 09:27:31 AM »

Hi everyone
I am looking for guidance from the group
My mother has been diagnosed with BPD by two psychiatrists
Unfortenately she refuses treatment as she doesn’t really believe there is anything wrong with her. She is also recovering from her second cancer scare, and divorcing my dad after 40years of marriage as she blames my father sister and I for her illness
At 31 years old I feel like a lot of things that happened in my life with her make sense, however I am also struggling to really see the behavior for what it is and not to feel guilty and try to pacify it as I have done for years.
How do you deal with this?
Logged
Harri
Retired Staff
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Parent
Posts: 5981



« Reply #1 on: January 18, 2020, 10:47:41 AM »

Hi River and welcome to the board.

You asked:
Excerpt
How do you deal with this?
Do you mean with the fact that she thinks there is nothing wrong with her and is not getting help?  Or with your own struggles/

Everyone on this board is dealing with a person this BPD or BPD traits so we can help support you and maybe even share some coping strategies that might work.  Many of us are working on healing as well so you are in good company here.

How long ago was your mom diagnosed and when did you find out?   Is guilt what you struggle the most with?
Logged

  "What is to give light must endure burning." ~Viktor Frankl
Methuen
********
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Parent
Posts: 1732


« Reply #2 on: January 18, 2020, 01:50:26 PM »

Hi River3 Welcome new member (click to insert in post)

Welcome!

Excerpt
How do you deal with this?

On a general note, I woke up to my mom's uBPD about 6 months ago, after her behavior escalated over recent years, and I was feeling hopeless and helpless because of her behavior.  She's 83.  I'm 57.  When the BPD realization hit, I was pretty overwhelmed, and not coping.  Things that have helped me:

1) Using this board regularly, and taking the time to read all the info resources on the site
2) Reading books (Stop walking on eggshells, Loving Someone with BPD)
3) Seeing a clinical counsellor who understands and has experience with BPD
4) My husband's support

Six months later, I am in a much better place emotionally, and now realize that it's not my job to be my mom's rescuer, or feel her feelings for her.  I also understand BPD a lot better, and have learned a lot of new skills for how to interact with a BPD differently.  I mentioned that I am in a better place now, to give you hope, as one who has been where you possibly are now...

To start with, I would suggest picking 1 thing that appeals to you (post on this board, read a BPD book, find a T etc), and chip away at it slowly.  

It can get better.

Excerpt
however I am also struggling to really see the behavior for what it is

Can you give us an example of her behavior?

 Virtual hug (click to insert in post)

Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?

Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife



Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!