Family got invovled and now I'm stressed

[eggshellfiancee]

My husband (uBPD) and I are in the low cycle again and I cannot see a way out.
My husband has been depressed since we moved last year after he lost his job. He is still not working full time. Multiple times he's told me he wants me out by the end of the year, including two weeks ago. As a precautionary measure in case he decided to follow through, I called my mom and grandma and asked them to help me get a car, find a place, etc. I didn't want to move but he was insisting I had no choice.

Then he got a phone call about something that is a major source of stress to both of us and our finances, something thats entirely my fault, and i panicked. Prior to getting that phone call he had said he wanted me otu by the end of the weekend. This was on a Friday. I knew after the phone call it was irreversable. I arranged to obtain a car (it was a gift someone had been trying to give me but specifically so I could leave him, something I've not wanted to do), and went home - after happy hour because I'd gone there to destress (I've had to get a grip on my alcohol use lately because it's actually become a problem, but this day I gave in). When I gt home he couldnt believe I actually wanted to leave. HE thought he would show his hand and I"d fight to stay.

I decided to "call his bluff" and actually left, taking our pet, but told him I'd be back. Then my famliy basically has me feeling trapped. They're way to invovled and I'm realizing a lot of the problems I have with him actually stem from them putting bugs in my ear all the time. They're like "youre so unhappy" and "I never liked him" and all that stuff. I decided to turn down this car but my mom got it anyway and put it in her name. When I had decided I wanted to go home I asked my husband how he would feel if I accepted the car since it was free and he said he would be really uncomfortable with it because he knew it was only being given to me so I would leave.

This weekend I decided to go home. We spent the weekend organizing our apartment. He seemed okay about the car so i thougth "good, we can work through this." I planned to go get my cat from my parents house tonight and go back home. This morning he told me that as long as I have that car, I'm not welcomed there. IT has nothign to do with him not wanting me to have a car, but not that SPECIFIC car. I actually understand where he's coming from on this, but I also know that if I go to my family and say that I no longer want the car because I want him, they're goign to flip. My mom is an incredibly emotionally fragile person and I always stress over how she is going to perceive things. My grandmother calls me regularly and tells me to leave. I've gotten them way too involved and make the mistake of only calling them when I'm mad. One of his biggest frustratiosn with me is that I have allowed so many other people to be involved in our marriage, and now I've hit rock bottom in that regard.

I know it sounds nuts - but I just want to go home. He's agreed to see a psychiatrist, which I've been asking him to do for years , and I want to work on this marriage, but I feel like the people I need to support me most will do just the opposite.
My mom wrote me an EIGHT PAGE letter detailing how much she wants me to leave him, and it was awful. Full of misperceptions about me based on shallow things. My mom is a sweet person and doesn't ever mean to hurt anyone, but this just made me want to run and never tell her about any of it again.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

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