She Wakes Me Up

[Depression = 72% of members]

It used to be worse.  Much worse.  I would 'help' her get to bed until about 2:30AM and then get up at 6:30AM to get my son ready for school and go to work like a zombie.  Now life is so much better in that I usually get to bed somewhere between 11:30PM and 12:30PM and she usually lets me sleep.  But sometimes she is freaked out about something usually because she is worried about something or because she was watching something disturbing on TV.  Then she will wake me up at 2AM, or 3AM and I will need to calm her down so she can get back to sleep (sometimes she has tried sleeping but sometimes she is just getting to bed).  Does anyone else have to deal with being woken up?  I know I need to set boundaries but if she is literally having a panic attack then I'd feel like a bit of a jerk saying too bad I need my sleep.  Good luck with the panic attack.

Thoughts?

[Jerome Finn]

It used to be worse.  Much worse.  I would 'help' her get to bed until about 2:30AM and then get up at 6:30AM to get my son ready for school and go to work like a zombie.  Now life is so much better in that I usually get to bed somewhere between 11:30PM and 12:30PM and she usually lets me sleep.  But sometimes she is freaked out about something usually because she is worried about something or because she was watching something disturbing on TV.  Then she will wake me up at 2AM, or 3AM and I will need to calm her down so she can get back to sleep (sometimes she has tried sleeping but sometimes she is just getting to bed).  Does anyone else have to deal with being woken up?  I know I need to set boundaries but if she is literally having a panic attack then I'd feel like a bit of a jerk saying too bad I need my sleep.  Good luck with the panic attack.

Thoughts?

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[PineapplePen]

Hi,

I too have lots of issues around sleep.
Most of our arguments and long conversations end up being in bed.
My partner seems so wired before I go to sleep. The majority of the time we end up in an argument over her thinking my sleep is more important than her, but I really just can't keep my eyes open anymore.

Recently though, when she has either started deep and accusational conversations before bed, I tell her I understand her frustrations and anger and that I'm doing all I can to help her. When she wakes up in the middle of the night and shouts at me for not caring she had a nightmare, I hold her and soothe her and try to reassure her that I'm not going anywhere, I'll be holding her all night and if she needs me I'll be right next to her.

I'm guessing it's a night when she feels the most vulnerable and especially when she is more stressed and anxious her dreams are probably more vivid.

I've learnt that her anger towards me isn't personal. Our partners need us and need to know that we are the ones who will fight the demons in their head away.

I've spent a few nights just being very aware of my partner's movements. I've made sure to hold her tight and keep my arms around her and to soothe her if she is moving around.

Giving up a few nights for her will undoubtedly help my sleep in the long-run so she feels reassured that I'm there.

I hope that helps.