She doesn’t have to take responsibility for her actions if...

[Our abuse recovery guide]

So my mom is trying to convince me that she’s bipolar. When I pointed out that she already told me she was borderline personality disorder. She tried to convince me her new Dr. doesn’t think that’s true. The primary difference in my mind is that she doesn’t have to take responsibility for her actions if she’s bipolar bc It’s all the medications fault. If she’s BPD she actually has to work to change her behavior. She’s making me nuts and it's hard to create boundaries because I'm the one she dumps on the most. I just wanted to complain to people who understand.

[mdl5046]

So my mom is trying to convince me that she’s bipolar. When I pointed out that she already told me she was borderline personality disorder. She tried to convince me her new Dr. doesn’t think that’s true. The primary difference in my mind is that she doesn’t have to take responsibility for her actions if she’s bipolar bc It’s all the medications fault. If she’s BPD she actually has to work to change her behavior. She’s making me nuts and it's hard to create boundaries because I'm the one she dumps on the most. I just wanted to complain to people who understand.

[Woolspinner2000]

Welcome mdl5046, 

So glad that you came to vent to us! Truly it is a gift of trust for members to be able to share here with our family and to know that they've been heard. You give us the opportunity by taking the time to post and let us know what's going on in your life. 

Sounds like some confusion is going on with your mom, and maybe she doesn't even know or understand what is going on. A pwBPD will struggle to regulate their emotions, be they good or not so good emotions. She may well be trying to self-sooth by sharing with you and hoping you'll understand. One option that you may try may actually help both of you. That would be to not deny or question what she is saying, but rather approach her in a more neutral way. You could say, "Boy, that sounds like a tough diagnosis. I'd be upset if I heard something like that said to me." This is a way of communicating that isn't denying or agreeing with what they're sharing, but it is validating that she is having a lot of feelings. Does this make sense? It's a technique that we often suggest here, and it will also help you to not get so frustrated and triggered.

Here is more about how to do this: Don't be Invalidating.

I'm looking forward to hearing your thoughts about this idea, to see what you think.

 
Wools

[Turkish]

She could be both... When my mom started Prozac for her depression, she came into my room and handed me the bottle,  "hide these! I don't like how they make me feel!" I was 17 and a senior in high school. I dutifully hid the bottle in a drawer.

She shouldn't have involved me, yet she felt alone and I was th he only person closest to her to reach out. Your mom could take ownership of her emotions just as my mom could have flushed the Prozac, yet she involved me, just as your mother is involving you. I moved out a few months later and distanced myself by 50 miles. Easy at 18. I returned to the drama later... 

You speak of boundaries. What are your thoughts on these and how can we help?

[Methuen]

Welcome mdl5046

She’s making me nuts and it's hard to create boundaries because I'm the one she dumps on the most

We're here to help.  When you are ready, feel free to share a story about your mom.  This will give us a little direction on how we can support you best.

 

[Nickienicks]

My mom has BPD too! I totally understand where you are coming from. My mom refuses to believe she has anything wrong with her at all, and is under the belief there is something wrong with everyone but her. It is not a fun experience. We are here for you!

[zachira]

It's hard to know why your mother is now telling you she is bipolar when she was previously diagnosed with BPD. For insurance to pay for treatment, some unethical practitioners diagnose their clients as bipolar because insurance will reimburse them whereas insurance does not pay for treatment for personality disorders. People with  BPD have frequent move swings and the change in mood can happen at a moment's notice. Those who are bipolar have long episodes of down or up moods which last for weeks and/or months. In popular language, people who are moody, are often referred to as bipolar which is inappropriate incorrect usage of the word bipolar.
Also, some practitioners do not believe in personality disorders, because diagnosing a client with a personality disorder would mean that they are highly unlikely to benefit from treatment.