I think I'm going to lose everything

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

My husband is the pwBPD. He has been spiraling for awhile. He has been pushing me away and has told me he doesn't trust me to talk with him when he is vulnerable. So we barely talk at this point and about nothing important.

He quit his job a couple weeks ago. He was under the impression that he would have one more paycheck coming that would cover us for the next month. SO I have been giving him space thinking he has some time to take a break and find another job. I got a call from work saying that he actually does not have another check coming.

I came home and asked him what he was planning. What can we do to move forward. He sat there silent and went upstairs and laid down. He has been suicidal and struggling so much before this. I am terrified for him and I am terrified for me. We are already behind and can't float a month.

I want to shake him and tell him to get it together but I know that is wrong. I have no idea what to do. I am surprisingly clear headed and not emotional which is scary because that's not me. I have no where to go and he has no where to go. Anyone have a similar experience?  How can I keep everything together?

[Coastgirl]

My husband is the pwBPD. He has been spiraling for awhile. He has been pushing me away and has told me he doesn't trust me to talk with him when he is vulnerable. So we barely talk at this point and about nothing important.

He quit his job a couple weeks ago. He was under the impression that he would have one more paycheck coming that would cover us for the next month. SO I have been giving him space thinking he has some time to take a break and find another job. I got a call from work saying that he actually does not have another check coming.

I came home and asked him what he was planning. What can we do to move forward. He sat there silent and went upstairs and laid down. He has been suicidal and struggling so much before this. I am terrified for him and I am terrified for me. We are already behind and can't float a month.

I want to shake him and tell him to get it together but I know that is wrong. I have no idea what to do. I am surprisingly clear headed and not emotional which is scary because that's not me. I have no where to go and he has no where to go. Anyone have a similar experience?  How can I keep everything together?

[Cat Familiar]

So what needs to be paid in the next month? Any alternate sources of money that can be available?

[Waddams]

He's circling the drain. I know you love him, but if he's going to insist on going down that drain (which he is right now), all you can do is figure out how to not let him drag you down the drain with him. Set your boundaries, figure out how to enforce them, and figure out how to protect yourself.

Mental illness or not, however you want to look at that part, the other aspect is he quit with no new job lined up. He's flaking out on you. The bottom line is the why doesn't matter. You're not obligated to deal with that kind of thing for him. Take care of you first, see to your own well being first. If you have extra resources to help him after you've secured yourself first, then fine. It's a put your own mask on first before you put masks on your kids type of situation.

[Coastgirl]

It's just our monthly bills but we are always living one month to the next. I do agree that I have to take care of myself first because he doesn't/can't/won't do it for me. I hate being in this position but it's where we are at.
We did finally talk and he said what I have been assuming that he is in such a hole that he can't get out of it. His therapist even recommended a inpatient treatment. SO my plan is to support him to get help and I hope he chooses that option. The options are becoming more and more limited as the days pass.

[formflier]

Why did he quit?

Did he leave on good terms?

I wonder if he called his old work and asked if he could come back...

Best,

FF