Our Family Wizard question

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Sorry if this is not the right place; I just knew others used it and wanted to inquire your thoughts with a BPD.  While she (my H's ex) created her account she created a generic login with XX Family (using her initials) and has started adding them on communications.  We have removed this "person" on any replies however is it even worth it to send communication to her saying a generic login is concerning and any individuals should be identified with their own login. H already said in court he doesn't  care if her boyfriend has it (they plan to get married and just bought a house together).

Or in true fashion of whom we are dealing with know that what H is writing is fine, any of her crazy family probably read everything before because she sent emails to them etc and just not even bring it up and continue to remove them on any reply.

I appreciate your thoughts.

[mpacific]

Sorry if this is not the right place; I just knew others used it and wanted to inquire your thoughts with a BPD.  While she (my H's ex) created her account she created a generic login with XX Family (using her initials) and has started adding them on communications.  We have removed this "person" on any replies however is it even worth it to send communication to her saying a generic login is concerning and any individuals should be identified with their own login. H already said in court he doesn't  care if her boyfriend has it (they plan to get married and just bought a house together).

Or in true fashion of whom we are dealing with know that what H is writing is fine, any of her crazy family probably read everything before because she sent emails to them etc and just not even bring it up and continue to remove them on any reply.

I appreciate your thoughts.

[Newyoungfather]

We use Our Family Wizard to communicate.  Our court order specifically states that all communication is to be between the parents and no other third parties are involved, (unless there is an emergency). 
But lets take a step back, it may actually look better for you when you write nice emails and have the ex BPD or family lash out.  To the courts it makes you look mature having a real name.  Are you concerned of having her agree to something in Our Family Wizzard and then having her come back and said it was her family members typing because it was a generic name, (typical BPD behavior of blame shifting)  I know this stuff bothers you because it use to get under my skin too.  I also had a proposed court order that my ex can only communicate one email per day because I use to get crazy text messages and emails, etc. 
My court order states that agreements made in our family wizzard are binding, this could be a great argument in court for a generic user name "our court order states agreements name through our family wizzard our legally binding, if they is a generic user name that everyone has access to I am confused with who I'm making an agreement with and if it has any legal grounds"

[mpacific]

We use Our Family Wizard to communicate.  Our court order specifically states that all communication is to be between the parents and no other third parties are involved, (unless there is an emergency). 
But lets take a step back, it may actually look better for you when you write nice emails and have the ex BPD or family lash out.  To the courts it makes you look mature having a real name.  Are you concerned of having her agree to something in Our Family Wizzard and then having her come back and said it was her family members typing because it was a generic name, (typical BPD behavior of blame shifting)  I know this stuff bothers you because it use to get under my skin too.  I also had a proposed court order that my ex can only communicate one email per day because I use to get crazy text messages and emails, etc. 
My court order states that agreements made in our family wizzard are binding, this could be a great argument in court for a generic user name "our court order states agreements name through our family wizzard our legally binding, if they is a generic user name that everyone has access to I am confused with who I'm making an agreement with and if it has any legal grounds"

Wow that is great information, I wish we had done more research on that re: binding.  In the new parenting plan she has 24 hours to respond so along those lines I assumed she'd read it through the other account and say she never had time to get to it (ieshe has stretched out the elementary school enrollment by 2 months at this point. While she declared what school over two months ago now she says she has to research thankfully with new order we are getting somewhere). I should have researched further because no third party can read communications between co-parents. You bring up very valid points though.

[Newyoungfather]

I found out that the best boundary to have with a borderline is a strong custody agreement, it sets consequences (which they don't like) in case they act out.  I have filed a contempt petition already and she lost time to me because of her actions.  I currently have 50/50 custody which I achieved when my son was 3.  If it wasn't for her acting out my struggle of getting 50/50 would have been harder.  Document as many bad behaviors as possible, especially emails in our family wizard, it will help in the long run.

[trappeddad]

i disliked ofw(family wizard), as its just a place for my ex non stop harass me.    and i have to pay for it too?         why should i pay to be harassed non stop?

[livednlearned]

Can you say more about your concern with the generic email?

It might help us understand whether you can solve this by doing nothing (letting her behavior speak for itself) or escalating (costing money).

She's in a one-down position and may be fighting for a feeling that she isn't. Kind of like a little kid saying I'm gonna tell people about what you did, and THEN you're going to be in REAL BAD trouble.

It's also (less?) possible that her family is trying to intervene to keep things from getting worse. Not that they will succeed, just that they want to monitor what she writes and either provide feedback or else insert themselves into the drama.

She just suffered a big loss so my guess is that she's trying to gain something back in an ineffective way.

[MeandThee29]

Check with your attorney, but in my state, an email can also be taken as a contract if you agree to something with another person or say you'll do something.

I didn't have custody issues, but my attorney told me to end all emails with my ex during negotiations because I was getting myself into trouble with email. I was agreeing to things without understanding the ramifications. FWIW, It's not a contract if attorneys are passing back-and-forth at that point.

Later on in close-out, my attorney was fine with handling some things directly with my ex via email, but he gave me all kinds of warnings and parameters.  He wanted me to summarize what I said via email to him after each step was done that way. That level of detail probably isn't necessary in many custody issues, but I've heard of people doing that when custody problems went to email instead of to the app.

[mpacific]

Can you say more about your concern with the generic email?
.

I suppose (other than the new light of contract/agreeing to) is that we are talking about a minor child, therapies etc. We just felt that anyone on should have an identifiable login. But you are correct in letting it speak for itself. After researching no 3rd parties can see communication between co parents only messages from one parent to them so it's a non issue as there is no reason to communicate with a generic 3rd party should they message.

[mpacific]

i disliked ofw(family wizard), as its just a place for my ex non stop harass me.    and i have to pay for it too?         why should i pay to be harassed non stop?

We MUCH prefer OFW.  She would email/text non stop and at times she knew that would be most inopportune (ie when we were having our rehearsal dinner for our wedding) we have notifications on for email because we have rental properties and they usually contact us via email. I'm also usually on call for my job and emails come through non stop that I have to review.

Now we can look at the app when we want to without her texting or emailing us on every whim.  Now she also has to reply within 24 hours as she drags everything out and we can see when she's read the email.  It's worth every penny. That and as much as we've been in court should we have to go back it's all organized in one spot.  I pray we don't but past predicts future as they say.

[trappeddad]

mpacific, i see your reason for liking ofw as you do not need to see her rants constantly on email or text.        the rants are in a contained place for you.      also email servers/computers sometimes crash and messages get lost, but the ofw people have this stored.       i was just speaking for my situation (ofw = paying to get harassed) and it does not apply to everyone.