First post, new to group

[Sunshine 6]

This is my first post so Ill just explain my situation. I have known my boyfriend for 6 years and we have been dating (with lots of attempted break ups in between) for a year and 9 months.
I love him but we have had a lot of struggles and I have never been in a relationship with somebody who i fought with so much. I knew there was something wrong but I never really knew what. Several months ago one of our mutual friends told me my boyfriend was narcissistic and i looked into that. For awhile i thought/wondered if he had narcissistic personality disorder.
I have a bachelors in psychology so i have always been interested in it. One of my best friends is a therapist. We were discussing some of our family members. I have a couple family members who were diagnosed as bipolar but my friend believes they were misdiagnosed. So we got out her DSM5 (diagnostics manual). I read the criteria for narcissistic personality disorder and some of it fit my boyfriend. But then i read the criteria for BPD and I realized thats what he has. He fit the criteria for diagnosis. It has been a mind blowing experience. Ive spent several hours/days reading more and more info and EVERYTHING makes so much since now. Its actually a huge relief for me. I never understood all of the arguments or why he kept insisting we did not argue even though we do practically every night to the point where we hardly sleep together. And his anger and outbursts never made sense. He accuses me of things that dont make sense. And we will get in arguments over the dumbest thing and he will refuse to quit talking about it until it turns into yelling (which i have never been in a relationship before where our arguments even turned into yelling but with him it happens all of the time). And his memories and stories are often very far off from what actually happened. And so much more, just everything makes so much since now.
Now, i have not told my boyfriend this realization. I have debated bringing it up but i do not want him to feel attacked and become defensive and deny it. I just wish he knew so that we could better deal with it and so that hopefully also he would seek help.
But for now, I am looking for a support group for my own mental wellness because this relationship has caused so much mental turmoil and i am so excited to talk to people who understand and who have experienced similar and maybe can offer advice too.
Also, I have realized I have grown up around multiple people with this disorder. My stepmom was diagnosed bipolar but after reading the diagnosis criteria and talking to my friend about it who's a therapist we think my stepmom may have been misdiagnosed. My stepbrother also most likely has it and often goes to a behavioral health center for help/therapy. (My boyfriends personality has always seemed very similar to this brother too). Another one of my brothers displays symptoms too but i have not looked further into it with him so he may not. And my sister was diagnosed bi polar as well.
Okay, so I know that was a huge summary about me. I am just very excited to talk to people who understand.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[blue_watermelon]

Hey Sunshine 6,

Welcome to this discussion place. Glad you found a description of BDP that makes sense of your BF and what you're going through. It is a huge relief to have a framework in which to interpret loved one's extreme behavior. I would exercise caution when thinking about if to tell your BF your suspicions. In many cases, it is not helpful to the BDP, so you will want to reflect for a while first on if it will be helpful.

[Dunnart]

But then i read the criteria for BPD and I realized thats what he has. He fit the criteria for diagnosis. It has been a mind blowing experience. Ive spent several hours/days reading more and more info and EVERYTHING makes so much since now. Its actually a huge relief for me.

This is my first post. I've been trying to deal with things for years without involving anyone else, other than my SO, but I don't know if I have the self esteem/strength of mind to do so alone anymore.

Sunshine 6 I understand how you felt when you first found out about BPD!  Remember the feeling to this day, people talk about a 'lightbulb moment'.. well.. it was unbelievable!  It made sense of so much that had been confusing and upsetting me!  I could write for days on the things that had bothered me, all the things I found really hard to comprehend about this amazing person and how they suddenly fit when I read about BPD... the forums where you suddenly realise there are many others going through things that are so similar you might think you wrote it yourself. I found the latter extremely sad and it caused me more confusion over what parts of people are 'them' and what parts are the 'disorder'...
I don't really know if I will write on this forum much. No disrespect, it is an completely amazing site but I'm not sure if I can balance the good it may do for me with the guilt I feel for talking about our situation without my SO's knowledge. 

Anyway, if I only ever post this, I would urge you to really take note of what blue_watermelon said in the reply.  They are very wise words.
I wish I had done things differently when I brought it up with my SO, but hindsight is a great thing. Also I have since learnt there are other disorders or illnesses that have very similar traits or even many traits that are the same, and unfortunately people can, and often do, have more than one disorder/illness at the same time.