Sometimes it feels like I'm just asking for blame

[Chosen]

I try to be validating.  At least I try not to be invalidating. 
I also try not to complain and nag (I have that tendency, and it's a huge trigger for uBPDh); when there is something I want to express (negative stuff or stuff which be perceived as negative), I tend to just say it once a day/ every few days, then let it go regardless of the outcome (let it sink in for a bit).

But it seems like when I make a request, he would often take it as a chance to put the blame on me or "point me to my faults" (in the past).  For example, I recently expressed I would like to spend more time with him, alone, after the children go to bed.
To his defense, I must add that he often sends me to bed after the children sleep so I could get enough sleep for work the next day.  He would then do the housework.  I did not ask him to do that, I would be happy to share the task but I know he wants me to have my rest.  So that is done because he loves me and I appreciate that. 

But then when I ask to spend more time with him, he would say "I was never your priority" (and not jokingly too, referring to the fact that I always say I'm sleepy).  Or he would say he used to have expectations of me, but then he learned to let it go and now our marriage works fine. 

It sounds bitter to me, and also seems like he is deliberately refusing to spend time with me because I want it.  As a way to punish me somehow, for past sins?  And I can't complain about this, or else he will rage about me not being appreciative.  After all, he sends me to bed because he loves me (despite me practically begging to have alone-time with him for the past 2 weeks), and shouldn't I be just happy because most husbands are not willing to sacrifice themselves for that? 

So I really don't know how to go forward with this.  I mean, for this particular incident, I think I'll just give it a rest.  I certainly can't be bothered arguing with him, and I'd learn to appreciate the fact that I can get more sleep.  But in future how do I make requests without unleashing blame on myself?  Or is this his way of manipulating me (I would guess it's his BPD-ness manipulating me) so I don't make requests he doesn't want to fulfill?  Don't even know what he is thinking...

Any thoughts on this would help, thanks!

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