Nicko1
Fewer than 3 Posts
 Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Hanging out / dating
Posts: 2
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« on: June 20, 2020, 01:04:39 PM » |
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Hey, I know this a long post, but this has been such a whirlwind of emotions, I need support. Please take the time to read it and offer me your thoughts. Thank you.
Girl is 21, I am 29
Girl is from a traditional conservative family in a poor country in a remote small town/village, moved here two years ago. She's been sheltered by her family and older siblings (there are a lot).
She seems immature, like naive, no experience, sweet but has a vindictive side. She told me once her first boyfriend cheated on her when she was younger, so she went out with his friend as "revenge"
Love bombs...she was leaning on my shoulder and laying her head in my lap, cuddling up to me on the sofa before we had even kissed
Overly affectionate with male colleagues, male ex colleagues she barely knows when she runs into them. Like really long loving warm hugs which look really weird considering they are just old colleagues...kind of hug you will give your grandpa or dad/older brother if you are a child.
She always gives her friends the silent treatment, ghosts, discards and then recycles. It's happened to me two times. She's never had me and her friends all in her good books...it's like she always has to have an enemy she's not talking to or ignoring
Doesn't really have any friends and no female friends.
Swings from extreme personality / mood swings. When times are good, it's like a love movie, but then just as fast she could ignore you or ghost you if she feels like it
Dad died when she was 3 and says he used to abuse the mother and she hates him
Attention seeker, especially male attention
Always fishes for compliments. I think she's insecure, but always says things like "because I'm sexy", "Because I'm so hot", talks about her boobs a lot and randomly drops it into the conversation...and other stuff like "I've just been home relaxing, naked"
Sexual tease...when it comes down to it, she acts scared like she's a virgin
Acts shy, timid and reserved but can dress provocatively
Has a fear and lack of trust from others especially what seems like males she doesn't know
Lies / tells you what you want to hear
Seems to morph her personality into what you look for in a girl i.e "I don't go out much" when in actual fact...wanting to go to a club once a week is kind of going out quite a lot rather than "I don't go out much"
Has trust issues and says she's been cheated on, yet has no problem lying and going out with me whilst she apparently has a new boyfriend in her home country who is the polar opposite of me...usually people upgrade not downgrade..but I read people date the level of their self-esteem.
Known this girl for 1.5 years. Our first date was Jan 2019. We've been seeing each other on/off all this time. We were dating for two/three months, then she stopped replying to my texts. Then started again briefly, then blew up over nothing and stopped replying again. She then starting hanging out again with a guy friend in a group setting who she had previously stopped taking to and she then got a load of new friends through him. I was discarded to the trash.
I contacted her after a month of no contact, and after leaving me on read a number of times, started to reply and I asked her why we stopped talking and she rudely refused to say anything, just things like "will you leave me alone", "if I tell you you did nothing wrong, will you leave me alone". So I did.
Then about two months later, I was at the beach, and she was there. I left her alone and ignored her/showed her no attention and after a number of attempts to call my name which I ignored, she swam over and we started talking. I didn't text her. Then we started hanging out a few times in a group setting, kind of like old friends. We had a gap of around two months, where she went back home and so did I.
And then we started hanging out properly again for about 1.5 months...it was going really well, until again it seemed like she had a minor issue and went cold on texts. Also this period where we started hanging out again, just also happens to be where the same guy friend said something she was offended by on text (a minor thing) so she discarded him (discard, recycle etc). She went cold on texts, I stopped texting her or asking her out, and I think my withdrawal hit her hard. Her older sister invited me for coffee with them about six weeks later, and the girl was cold and barely talking to me...she warmed up and went back to normal but when I said bye was kind of looking at me with regret.
We both then we back home again for about two months. But continued to text. I saw her in February when I was back briefly because I had to work in another country for about three months. She was acting manic, like looking at me seductively, groping me in public in a quiet place nobody could see, grabbing my ass, touching my nipple and arm muscles and she's never this forward. It was crazy. I then left for work, she knew I was coming back in a few months and we continued to text.
I come back in mid May, we start hanging out. She's made up with her guy friend who she said would never talk to again. Everything is going really well between us, she's saying things like "in this relationship between us" when joking and stuff that like. We don't have a label or anything, of course, because we are always on/off and I have no idea what's happening. She always acts like we are in a relationship and I've introduced her to my dad and I know all her family. We have started to show more affection at this point in public like holding hands and holding hands in the car. Long hugs. Then the bombshell hit...
We went out for a drink in a small group. The night before she was telling me how she doesn't want a boyfriend she thinks, her older brothers will want to talk with him when she finally has a boyfriend (keep in mind the night before she was talking about "this relationship" between me and her) . Also her younger sister said to me during the same conversation "She misses her boyfriend" and I said to the girl "you have a boyfriend" and she looked at the younger sister angrily and I asked her again and she told me no twice. I thought the younger sister was just talking nonsense.
The next day we go out with the girl, her younger sister and her guy friend (he has a girlfriend). I'd rather not, but whatever, I went along with it. The girl was acting like we were completely platonic on front of him. She wouldn't even connect her internet to my phone wifi like she usually does...the password is her name...and then she finally did but kind of kept it on the low. Then the guy friend goes to her "so how's your boyfriend back home"...and she avoided the question by singing a song...he asked her again, and she said "his name's blah blah...he's a good guy etc" and showed him a picture of him after he asked. I pretended I didn't hear and was texting on my phone but went silent and looked annoyed. I gave her no attention, was silent, and then called it a night about 20 minutes later and said 'let's go". I don't know if he was generally asking her or trying to stir things. I don't like him.
Then it hit her, she realised something was wrong...she looked visibly scared...like she had messed up. I took her home in silence with her younger sister and she said "I just want to know if you are okay?" and I said "i'm fine" and when I dropped her off she gave me a really big long tight hug and left the car still shaken. She text me the next evening to break the ice and said "how are you" and I didn't know whether to reply or not, but acted cold but normal, asked her to hang out the next day and she said she couldn't, maybe the next day. I texted her the next day to ask her about going out the next day, and she left me on unopened after I text twice over 6 hours. I then said "I know when I'm being ignored" and she text back right away and said she was cooking/eating. I said ok, we need to talk about the other night, you knew I was annoyed/upset and she said yes I knew. I said, I felt like you sat there the night and lied to me, I don't know if you are confused, you don't know what you want or it's just lies. And she said, what are you talking about. I felt like at this point she thought I was mad because I thought she was flirting with her friend or acting inappropriately. But I feel like that's secondary to the "boyfriend" in another country issue. I explained to her I'm not mad but you are coming out with me, you told me the night before you didn't have a boyfriend twice, then I have to sit there and listen to you saying something different when your friend asked you about your boyfriend in another country.
She left me on delivered/unopened when she was replying fast up to this point. It's like she's been found out or snookered, I don't know. But me and her don't have a label, but she apparently does with this guy who she's hiding me from, and also telling me she doesn't have a boyfriend. When she's out with me she's been texting someone and now it makes sense...one night she said she was texting "some guy" and emphasised back home...I assumed a friend. Her younger sister tried to put me on Instagram live one day and the girl gave her a death stare and now it makes sense because he would have seen me...a 29 year old, tall, successful, good looking man whilst he looks like a 17 year old spotty child (he's the same age or younger than her I think)...it's really weird...obviously the difference between me and a guy like that is massive. And the crazy thing is...this boyfriend must of existed when she went back and Christmas and met him or whatever...but then in February she's groping me and acting like that with me. . And recently whilst her younger sister and social circle friends seem to think she has this boyfriend in her home country, she's kind of making future plans with me and talking like we are moving towards a relationship...I don't know. It's all weird. Or is this just a classic case of her using me...but then how? The boyfriend isn't an upgrade and is miles below her in terms of value whilst I'm the opposite...it's really strange.
She didn't reply. I text her about two times saying things like "can we talk" and again nothing...silent treatment. I sent her one final text saying some nice things, explaining some things, telling her I really like her and love hanging out with her, but I'm not going to text her or bother her again, to text me if she wants to talk. Again no reply. Now I'm going no contact. In the past her older sister who wants us to be together has charmed me back in by inviting me for coffee etc.
When the times are good, they are amazing, she's so sweet and nice, but when the times are like this, they are horrible. It's like an addiction. She showed empathy in the car on the way home that night, like she really cared about me, now she's ignoring me. Obviously you over think...is she thinking, does she need space, does she hate me, is she feeling guilty, will she text me...what is she doing. I don't know. Thanks for reading.
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