Hi Shakthi:I'm so sorry about the problems you are having with your partner. It has to be tough to not have family or friends close by for support. Sounds like he may be using alcohol as a means to self-soothe. Is he as difficult to be around, when he isn't drinking?
Do you live in the U.S or another country?
what do I say when his paranoia sets in? How do I have him not escalate?
If you click on the green links below, it will lead you to some helpful information.
ARGUING - DON'T ENGAGE DON'T JADE (Justify, Argue, Defend or Explain) and avoid circular arguments I am struggling and mainly need someone/ people to help me learn how to respond to him, to de-escalate.
Sometimes, the best thing to do is to take a time out & don't engage. A Safety Plan is a good idea. Read the info. at the "Safety First" link. If you don't have a Safety Plan, it would be good to start thinking about a plan.
TAKING A TIME OUT SAFETY FIRST If you go to the large green banner, towards the top of the page, you will find a "Tools" menu. Check out the topics on that list. "Boundaries" and "Don't Invalidate" are two good areas to start with. There is a link there to the "Workshop" section. That's a good section to browse through for things that could give you the most immediate help.
Are you able to share any details about your most recent situation with your partner? After reading the articles on taking a time out & not arguing, would you have done anything differently?