New to this

[BenjaminB9]

Hi,

I recently discovered that my girlfriend has BPD, or at least BPD traits. I was, and still am, completely uneducated on it. I have been doing some research, watched some videos, and ordered some books. She means the world to me. I want to support her as best I can, but I’m feeling totally overwhelmed, and it’s causing some anxiety. We had a long conversation the other day, I did the best I could to assure her I’d be able to handle this. And that I’d give her space, because she may be in the devaluing stage. But since I gave her space, I’ve been a wreck. Anxious, depressed, and lonely. I just wanna be with her. I read these stages are cyclical, but are they for extended periods of time?
Thanks for any help.

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PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[KeepingHope]

Hi BenjaminB9,

It is good that you are trying to learn about BPD.  There are a bunch of tools on this site, you can get from the top of the page.  You should check them out also.  Make sure to read the one about what it takes to be in a relationship with pwBPD.

Is your gf seeing a therapist or any other treatment?

As far as cycling goes, from my experience it can be very short with many in the same day or seem really long, like months.  Although, I think even in the long periods there are cycles happening still it just seems like the one stage is prevalent during that time.  It could be different for each person though.  That is just what I have observed of my wife. 

You will need to take care of yourself.  I know how hard some of this can be.  But you need to look after your own wellbeing too.  I would recommend working on your anxiety and depression also.  You have to be very strong on your own to handle the emotional rollercoaster that comes with BPD.  Are you doing anything for yourself right now?  Maybe talking to a counselor or meditation or working out?  Talking to friends or family?