Trying to move forward

[Silver_Sunshine]

Hi,

I'm a brand new to this site & don't honestly know where to start or how to move forward. My ex SO whom I share an infant with, and I are currently in therapy. Our entire relationship was a whirlwind & nothing seemed to make sense until this diagnosis. We are currently at a stage where neither of us trust the other, anytime I'm up he is down and vice versa. I'm trying my best to keep my emotions safe and in check while dealing with overwhelming issues every single day, that seem to stem from nowhere. I have just found and apartment for myself and our infant but I'm very nervous about telling him that i am moving all of my stuff out of his house, even though Our child & I have not lived there in over 4 months. I don't feel like I can be honest with him and I'm afraid that one minute he will feel one way and the next he'll completely flip on me. Anyone have any advice on breaking the news to him without sending him into freak out mode?

[ForeverDad]

My first thought is related to the insight about where the poor behaviors are more likely.  That's in private scenarios such as behind closed doors away from others' sight such as at home or when traveling in a vehicle.  The issue is apparently that the disordered person with BPD traits (pwBPD) has become comfortable with the close relationship and is more prone to "let his hair down", letting go of inhibitions that keep him from misbehaving in public.

I hope that makes sense.  BPD is an acting-out disorder where it is most evident in the close relationships.  People on the periphery may notice something "off" but since the contact is less often or somewhat distanced, they don't focus on the other as much as they do you.

So, here's a thought... It is probably best you assess the potential risks of your SO's overreaction to your goodbye news.  Would it be better to do it in a place where he would be less likely to vent and overreact before others?  Or should you have someone with you, or nearby, so you can have backup support in case it becomes a scary scene?  If it devolves into a confrontation, you can even call for emergency help and the officers of the peace can ensure it doesn't become an incident.

It might also be wise to have any children elsewhere so that it doesn't become anything like a sudden "you're not taking my child with you" incident.