Outbursts and neighbours

[Parents! Get help here!]

At the moment I live in a spot where there are not many neighbours. The ones that are around of course are aware of BPDD's outbursts and when police have been called etc. I am wanting to move in about 12 months or so to a unit block closer to the city. It is a block of four units, upstairs. It would be great for me and BPDD would have a bedroom there. But I don't know how I would cope with neighbour's reactions to her abusive outbursts. How do people with close neighbours cope with this side of things?

[Sancho]

At the moment I live in a spot where there are not many neighbours. The ones that are around of course are aware of BPDD's outbursts and when police have been called etc. I am wanting to move in about 12 months or so to a unit block closer to the city. It is a block of four units, upstairs. It would be great for me and BPDD would have a bedroom there. But I don't know how I would cope with neighbour's reactions to her abusive outbursts. How do people with close neighbours cope with this side of things?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[wendydarling]

Hi Sancho  I guess it depends on how much it interferes with a neighbours right to peaceful living. If it's in a block how's the soundproofing? What is their recourse to resolution? Might they call the authorities if it's unbearable and would that place your home at risk? 

It sounds like you see your DD living with you permanently, is that right or do you have a plan?

WDx

[wavewatcher]

Hi Sancho,
Our DD26 lives with us in a residential neighborhood. Several months ago she had an episode with lots of screaming, F-bombs, etc. We've had to call the police twice to our house when she was violent with me. This time there was no violence but it was outside. My neighbor closest to me, who knows some of what's going on, fielded another neighbor wanting to call the police by telling them we would handle it.

I am very grateful to my neighbor for doing that.  Letting a few people know what is going on, as you have done in your current neighborhood, is helpful.  But, as Wd said, people have a right to peaceful living, no matter who knows. And in a close housing unit that is even more important. It's a tough situation. What are your options?

Fortunately for us, our son has moved back to our state to help us with his sister and she will be moving next month to a studio not far from where he lives, which is about 150 miles from us.  Do you have anyone who can help you with your BPDD?

[Sancho]

Thank you for the replies. I won't know until I move there whether or not there are supporting people around. There would be three others in the block. I understand others' right to a quiet life and BPDD is just outrageous when she has a meltdown. Perhaps I should rethink the plan and move to where there is some space around as it might be too stressful for me to be wondering all the time if this is going to happen. Re her living with me. She comes and goes, has a substance abuse problem and for the past several years has been on and off and living with various young men who also have substance abuse problems. She came home a few months ago after breaking up with one young man with similar problems and there were many instances of violence when police were called (they both lived with me for quite some time - that was horrendous!) BPDd really can't manage living on her own, and doesn't cope with ordinary household stuff. I have tried many times to help her in this but it hasn't worked, probably due to the complexity of her needs. Ummmm think I might go back to the drawing board and plan a move somewhere less likely to bring my dramas into the lives of others. Thanks again