Getting over our stuff

[JNChell]

I am feeling mediocre. Not good or bad. Anyone else feeling this way? There is the occasional sting. Broccoli is good. Tuna and chicken are good. Working out is good.

I’ve been reading books about special operation forces in Vietnam. In a round about way those books lead me to Jocko podcast. People that have gone through war and come back with positive attitudes.

War relates to what we have endured. Mentally. As children, of course.

Trauma is finally being studied as trauma. The effects on the body, mind and spirit. Complex Trauma.

What is your story?

[Zabava]

Hi JNChell,

I feel you.  We have been through hell and back. My grandfather went to ww11 at age 20 as a Canadian volunteer in 1941.  He left his wife and 1 year old daughter behind  - my mum

I believe this where intergenerational trauma began

He came back 4 years later with ptsd 

[Zabava]

Do you know much about your grandparents?  Were they part of your life? Forgive me if I m being intrusive.

[missing NC]

I'm delighted that you've fond Jocko Willink, JNChell. 

I discovered him rather tangentially when exploring stoicism, which has been somewhat beneficial in my ongoing attempt to attain some degree of detachment from the ridiculously high level of drama and trauma in my life this past year.  The most recent podcast I listened to in which he argued quite compelling that it's better to walk away from a street fight really resonated as well. 

It sounds like you are in decent place emotionally, which is also good news.

[JNChell]

Zabava, 4 years is a long time to spend in a war zone. Of course he had PTSD. Being multigenerational makes it even harder. Bonds are solidified. Know what I mean? Ways of living and attitudes. Personalities. I’m not sure if you’ve researched that war. I’m also not supporting leeway to your current situation, but it might help you understand things a little more clearly and why everything has happened the way that it has for you. I don’t have answers, only ideas. I hope you’re well.

[JNChell]

Jocko is awesome and I heard that episode. Is that the one where he talked about his buddy snatching a cigarette out of a person’s mouth and shoving it up their nose? It’s best to walk away if we can. What’s happening with you? Feel like sharing?

[missing NC]

Hi JNChell,

I just saw your question.  Things are quite variable on my end. My brother and I continue to hemorrhage attorneys' fees.  Our sister continues with her talionic response.   The pandemic is definitely not my friend in all this. I know the increased isolation is hard for everyone.  It's such a compounding factor. I try to do the usual suggestions - getting out and walking, talking to a therapist - but this misery just feels like it will never end.  Logically, it should some day, assuming I can convince my brother not to file a bar complaint against our sister and assuming she does launch all of us over the proverbial cliff, which she would very much like to do. 

I took an online workshop on dealing with a BPD family member, which was well done. But I was an outlier within the group because my sister has much stronger antisocial traits than anyone else's BPD family member in that particular group.  (I know there are a number on here who have dealt or are dealing with BPDs with comorbid NPD or APD.)  Anyway, thank you for asking. I apologize for the ramble. 

How are your feeling by now? It sounds like things have been somewhat variable for you as well. 

[JNChell]

Things are very variable right now. Sometimes this  gets to me. I miss my Son first and foremost.

Man, I need to get out and move my feet as well. When I stayed with my sister in Pittsburgh she got my ass out everyday. If it wasn’t a hike, we were walking the dogs. It’s important to get out. Thanks for bringing it up.

Dude, your ramble was great to read. Congratulations on the course even if you don’t feel that it was representative of your situation. Sometimes people can just feel butthurt and have no idea what it’s like to deal with disordered people. The internet can be a friend or a foe.

[Living Life]

...he argued quite compelling that it's better to walk away from a street fight really resonated as well.

How nice to receive justification from a professional for an action I have taken. I decided to 'divorce' my brother after the death of our elderly parents, due to his verbal abuse and gaslighting of our mutual history. It took me a year to get over the sadness. Two more years have passed, and I thrive. How sad for him that he turned into a small, vindictive man in order to justify his actions against me. Living a truth of honesty, compassion, and good deeds really can set you free.

[missing NC]

"Two more years have passed, and I thrive. How sad for him that he turned into a small, vindictive man in order to justify his actions against me. Living a truth of honesty, compassion, and good deeds really can set you free."

Your experience give me a bit of hope.