How do I believe myself?

[Riv]

I'm in a poly relationship with a married couple, one of whom is undiagnosed, but symptoms lean BPD. The conflict is consistent and intense. The person I am to her when she is well is not the person I am to her when she is experiencing symptoms. I love her so much, and we have a great relationship when she is *there*. When I feel like she isn't there though, I experience a barrage of guilting and blaming that makes it hard to feel like I am a good person. I am new to trusting myself, and I feel like when we have these fights all of my progress goes out the window. How do you learn to trust yourself when your partner - who most days is someone you respect deeply - tells you that you are a terrible partner, don't care about their feelings, are consistently failing them, etc.?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Mutt]

Hi Riv,



I'd like to welcome you to the family. I'm sorry that you're going through a difficult time. I completely understand how hard it is to remain centered when you have intense hostility and negativity that is directed towards you. I think that it takes a lot of practice and time, it takes self work and it takes an understanding of the disorder so that you can separate the behaviors from yourself. BPD behaviors are something that the pwBPD is going through and not personal to us - it's easier said that done but you can create a long term goal for yourself where you can depersonalize the behaviors.

Thoughts?