Bpd couples

[Igualmente13]

I got a question. I have bpd and I never looked into after being diagnosed. It wasn't a big deal til now because I'm in a relationship with someone I love a lot. But she also has bpd. Based on what I've read, relationship almost never work with one person who has it. So does that mean it's impossible for us? Should I just stop trying since the odds definitely aren't in our favor? I would love to hear back if you know anything about a situation similar to this. Thanks

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PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[once removed]

hi igualmente13, and

you are on a board with people who have made their relationships work. it is not impossible.

but it does take work. learning the tools here can equip you.

tell us more about your relationship. are the two of you having problems?

[Igualmente13]

Yeah bc we are just so doubtful of each other's intentions even after 1 year together. I've been clingy lately, while she withdrawals. Which sets me off, then she ignores me cause I'm being mean. Then I get happy and she's still  mad about what I said or did. We go back and forth.It's been bad last few weeks.  Now we're looking for ways to make it better cause we don't wanna lose each other. But we've been miserable lately. So I'm just searching for answers right now. Any advice

[once removed]

it sounds like you are both stuck in a push/pull situation.

breaking the cycle is hard, but it can be done. generally, one person has to be willing to lead, and take that step, and set the example.

there are two great resources to start with. one is about stopping the bleeding...no longer making things worse. its not specific, think of it as more of an introduction. you can find it here: https://bpdfamily.com/deciding_guide/01.htm

the second is a great deal more specific, and includes a 3 minutes lesson on taking steps to end conflict: https://bpdfamily.com/content/ending-conflict

what do you think?

[bpdinme]

I wouldn't say its impossible but the road is difficult. Many dont make it.

But the thing is, you're here. Think about that for a moment. That shows you're willing to put time and effort. If your partner is equally on board, you guys could navigate through this.

I would even argue that, since you know what would trigger you as a BPD, you could very easily have a conversation about what is real and what isn't when needed.

You've got this!