Mom no contact

[Dona98]

Hi there all,
I am hoping to find some solace in a community of people also going through this.
Yesterday I decided no contact would be best with my mother.
Yesterday I decided to be happy.
My dad informed me that my mom is using a brother to keep the line of communication with her. Twisting his mind making him think I am a homophobe because of my political beliefs. Making him say I would love it if he was straight.
When my dad said this it finally helped me decide to go no contact.
Please help. I don't want to feel sad and like a failure.

[Turkish]

Your mom sounds like she is triangulating your bother as an excuse to paint you black. I suspect that your relationship with your brother is ok?  Is your brother buying her story? Politics is bad enough and worse when BPD is involved.

[stargazer95]

I am so sorry you are going through this. Last year I also had reached a bad place with my mom when she keep making demands that I constantly keep in touch and one time when she did her normal threatening to severe our connection, I just said ok and didn't respond. Of course, she tried whatever you can imagine, manipulating my friends, sending horrible emails, manipulating my grandmother and aunt and my stepdad. It has been really tough. I went, and still go periodically, through a grieving process. It is truly sad to realize we never had a "mother" in the fullest sense of the term. I feel sad for the little girl I was that had to put up with her ways and be loyal and obedient. But thank God, I am no longer that child in need of her protection. So while I still feel the pain, it doesn't overtake my life. But just take your time. be patient with yourself. The things we inherit from being with borderline mothers are challenges we will learn to deal with all our life. Your wellbeing is the most important thing at the moment and do what you need to do to heal. She will never understand it or be happy with it. For me I had to come to terms with that. It is so sad, but I will never have a mutual relationship with my mother. I will always be on guard around her and have to manage our relationship.

Do you have access to individual or group therapy?