so she changed her profile pic and the "in a relationship is gone"... Should I..

[Depression = 72% of members]

@buildingfromscratch
supposedly her "MAN" told her to "speak to my mom" like Im a child or something. Why talk to my mother? I dont even know why she called me. I cant wrap my head around this. I think I may change my number

[legalboxers]

@buildingfromscratch
supposedly her "MAN" told her to "speak to my mom" like Im a child or something. Why talk to my mother? I dont even know why she called me. I cant wrap my head around this. I think I may change my number

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

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I might look at this whole through through the eyes of emotional crisis - hers.

She was in extreme grief with the death and reaching out for someone or something to stop the pain. That didn't (and couldn't) happen, but she channeled the pain into anger toward you for not saving her (no one could - grief is not curable).

People with BPD will do thing like this to offload pain rather than succumb to it.

It's probably not a lot more complicated than that. She scapegoated the pain on you and converted grief and loss (something that no one can fix) to anger about betrayl (something she could fix).

This is mental illness. This is dysfunctional coping.

You are listing to what she said, but sometimes we have to look at bigger picture.

Substituting anger for loss is not unusual and she will be anger at you as long as she is feeling loss. At some point she will start to understand what happened, but a lot of time will have passed, her life will have changed, other people will be in the picture, you will be burned out...

I think you need to see it for what it was. You did something insensitive, but not relationship ending. She way over reacted to it as a coping mechanism.

That hurts. Now you are grieving (see how that works, she offloaded the grieving on you).

You don't need to change your number. You need to let go of hope and grieve what you have lost. It's just a really sad story and its unfortunate she doesn't have better emotional skills, but she doesn't.

As for the stuffed animals... that was just to hurt you... it's part of offloading pain.

See what I'm saying.

[legalboxers]

10/14/20 - UPDATE
@SKIP
@BuildingFromScratch
@ALS
@once removed
So I need to see a pain specialist tomorrow, a foot specialist Friday, and an MRI Saturday. Hopefully I can get answers. They told me to hold off on the cardiologist since they think the high blood pressure is from the pain in my body. I think of her sometimes. I even did something against my own judgement. "White Magic". They said the spell was cast.. *shrugs* I dont know..