What is silent treatment and how do we deal with it?

[formflier]

All,

From time to time we try to raise a topic for discussion.  Also try to look for new resources to incorporate in the BPDfamily 'library'.

I would encourage people to read, watch and then share stories from your own relationships.  What worked?  What didn't?

I'm especially interested in any reactions from the resources below where you wished you had been aware of their suggestions in certain situations.  We can learn from each other.


Silence: The Ultimate Control - Dorothy M. Neddermeyer, PhD



Video with ideas about how to handle silent treatment

I'm curious if anyone would suggest better wording to some of the "prescriptions" in this video?  If so, why?

Why do you guys think a pwBPD (or anyone really) would use silent treatment?

Best,

FF

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RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[zachira]

I think silent treatment is about the person who is refusing to engage inability to have intimate relationships, to look at their own pain, have empathy for the pain of others, and compromise. I say that someone does not become my friend until I am able to experience how we handle different points of view and disagreements. My few yet wonderful friends are people that I have deep discussions with; we disagree on many things without taking it personally or character assasinating the other person, and we support each others in times of distress and tragedy, while appreciating the successes and strengths of the other person. I observe many relationships that are very superficial, the people never ever talking about anything that would upset others, which describes the toxic dynamics I often experience among many of my family members and relatives.

[khibomsis]

I am sorry to say I am beginning to love silent treatment. I ask myself " is she raging? No. " I breathe a huge sigh of relief and go about my business.

[formflier]

I am sorry to say I am beginning to love silent treatment. I ask myself " is she raging? No. " I breathe a huge sigh of relief and go about my business.

Is this a change in the way you have dealt with silent treatment?  How does your pwBPD seem to react when you "go about your business"?

Best,

FF

[khibomsis]

Dear FF, indeed yes, it used to upset me terribly. Triggered my fear of abandonment issues. Now I have become more focused about my relationship goals - avoid dysregulation- and it helps me appreciate the quiet times. Partner was a little taken aback in the beginning ( one is supposed to notice) but we have not spoken about it. Because to do so would acknowledge that such a thing exists and that it is manipulative in intent. Her grip on reality is a little flaky at the moment so even to get there would require many intense discussions.  I prefer to leave it unanalyzed until she gets there on her own.