I feel powerless...

[Drained0326]

My current relationship is for lack of a better word “exhausting.”
I love my boyfriend and when he’s happy everything is great. I can see a future with him and I’m excited for what it will bring. However, when he’s mad it’s like everything completely changes. The sweet, sincere person I know is gone and is replaced with someone I don’t even know. In the beginning of our relationship everything was great. I really felt like he’s different. I might finally be happy. I was with my ex for 10 years and we share a child together. After finding out he cheated I stopped thinking I was going to be happily in love and married and started thinking I just needed to prepare myself for the possibility that it might not be meant for me. Until... I met my current boyfriend. I was so head over heels that I’m not sure if I missed the signs, if they were ever there or if I noticed them and brushed them off. Lately though all we do is argue. He is ALWAYS right no matter what. I didn’t even realize that there might be a problem until I started talking to my therapist about him. She specializes in many things one of them being BPD. She told me it sounded like he might have that and told me to read this book called “stop walking on eggshells.” Once I started reading it, I realized very quickly that it felt like this book was made after meeting him. I’m trying so hard to incorporate the knowledge I’ve been gaining through my research but every time there’s another fight I feel like why don’t I just cut my losses and leave. I feel wrong thinking that especially when you read about how a lot of it stems from their own issues and fear of abandonment but I can’t continue on like this... I love him but I need to love myself more.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Cat Familiar]

Yes, these relationships are very difficult. Learning some tools to navigate them can help, but the bottom line is that living with people with BPD will always be challenging and if you’re looking for smooth sailing, well...

In the beginning these types of relationships seem magical and there’s a reason the term “honeymoon phase” exists. Sadly that time doesn’t last. You say the sweet sincere person you know is gone and replaced with someone you don’t even know.

He is both of those people and the more time you are together, the more you’ll get to know that stranger.

Here’s an article that might be helpful: https://bpdfamily.com/content/how-borderline-relationship-evolves

[Drained0326]

His issues are starting to take a toll on me and my own issues. I myself struggle with major depression, anxiety and PTSD. When we fight and he gets the way he is I just feel like giving up on everything. I don’t know how to get out of this toxic cycle. Even if it means ending the relationship. When I try to do that he makes me feel so bad and then I want to fix it... but the minute there’s another fight it just feels like it’s getting worse. I’m so miserable. I don’t want to be around him 95% of the time. I’m starting to notice too that his anger is effecting my child. She’s starting to think that she’s the cause of our fights because it’s like he’s jealous of the time I spend with her. Yet, he makes me feel like they have to be separated. I NEVER do this when it comes to his child. I enjoy spending time with his son as much as I enjoy spending time with my daughter. I just wish there was a very simple solution to this very hard never ending question I have in my head.

[Cat Familiar]

Have you ever thought of yourself as codependent? https://bpdfamily.com/content/codependency-codependent-relationships