Boyfriend with BPD

[Yoyocait]

50% of the time I’m in a healthy and loving relationship.
The other 50% of the time it’s exactly how imagine hell to be.

My Boyfriend has BPD. Though he has it all of the time, it only manifests..I’d say every 48 hours (at present, some weeks it’s less)

Something that is acceptable to him one day, won’t be acceptable the next.

I am constantly walking on egg shells in my relationship.
The slightest critique can cause 24 hours of hellish behaviour.
Usually this starts with an over reaction, nasty name calling, blaming me for everything negative in the relationship. Saying I have anger problems, saying I’m verbally and physically abusive (I’m absolutely not) he will then drink till he is intoxicated, something which really upsets me, he’ll storm out of the house in the middle of the night and do many inconsiderate things causing me to lose a full nights sleep a couple of times a month.
I understand lockdown is hard and it affects people in different ways but this is becoming so difficult for me.
It’s incredibly unstable, he breaks up with me twice a week, he has been found on dating apps by my friends and when questioned about this refuses to see any wrong doing as “we were broken up” - we weren’t. We never are.
Every time I seek some form of accountability, it ends in an episode which makes him take the place of victim over me.
I am so desperately upset. I feel unloved, like I’m not a priority and like I can’t make this work.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[babyducks]

welcome Yoyocait

You did a brave thing by making your first post      good job.   you are joining a website where we have all been where you are now.   we have all had badly dysfunctional relationships and felt the pain and confusion they bring.

Something that is acceptable to him one day, won’t be acceptable the next.

Yes.  pwBPD  (people with BPD)   have harmfully intense emotions that change very rapidly, additionally they believe that the emotions of the moment are totally accurate and will last forever.   until they don't.    making things even more complex is the BPD trait of seeing their emotions as being caused by others or by events outside themselves, with no belief that they have any sort of control over their emotions.     it is a complicated illness that often leaves others walking on egg shells.

Usually this starts with an over reaction, nasty name calling, blaming me for everything negative in the relationship. Saying I have anger problems, saying I’m verbally and physically abusive (I’m absolutely not)

BPD anger and rage is a maladaptive coping tool where pwBPD project their negative emotions (mostly shame and fear) away from themselves and onto the people closest too them.    its very very difficult to be on the receiving end of this type of emotional dysregulation.   I know it was for me.

Every time I seek some form of accountability, it ends in an episode which makes him take the place of victim over me.

I understand.   I get it.   Most of us, heck all of us have been where you are now.   pwBPD do experience a great deal of relationship instability with the 'I love you - go away,  I hate you - don't leave me' message they telegraph with their chaotic behavior.

how are you doing today?    how are you feeling after finding this website and doing some reading here?

'ducks