Daughter 43 years old

[Bbrown]

So frustrating to deal with an abusive BPD daughter! She lives in a house that we bought for her last year. Doesn’t pay any bills, etc. lost her job in February and hasn’t had the ability to get unemployment. Was waitressing and lost that(I think). We live out of state from her(thank God.) her therapist suggests Gunderson Residence. Anyone have experience with them? So expensive, long term, far away, etc.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[losttrust]

I’m sorry I can’t imagine how challenging this is and so much for your “golden  years”.  I get it.  Mourvèdre for what could have been.  I also supported and my son did residential at 24 year old and I have mixed feelings about it.  I got peace which I desperately needed at that time.  but these treatment facilities are only helpful if the patient agrees they need help.  My son has always viewed himself superior.  He feels he’s better then most and has been validated by other as told is high functioning so he becomes very manipulative of therapists on site, rather  then use the  time to learn skills. And these are very expensive gigs 30-45 days.  Bill 2k plus a day.  which is somewhat covered if insured.  She might not be.  Has she ever had real consequences of her choices? Is she aware of your expectations?  If me-  I’d Sell the house. Have her look for a room to rent in someone else’s  place so she then answers to them.  Use your age as reason for sale.  You want to help set her up as you don’t want her to struggle as she nears her own retirement. And  put money aside from sale in a trust and start her on a monthly  budget / have it administered by a third party. Establish budget  for rent and essentials (needs not wants) only.  Removes you entirely from this situation. .  You tell her the budget.  She wants more -she can certainly  earn it.  Be kind and do it now - your not likely to outlive her.  Start this process now.  Be good for all.  I’ve seen it give a sort of peace to others.  I’ve already started the process with my son too.  It keeps us from dialogs surrounding money.