Very Burnt Out

[Masang M]

It has been a while since I have been here, it has been really hard.
My hbpd also suffers from DID (disassociative identity disorder) from severe childhood trauma. He has been in therapy with a really great therapist, however, in going through trauma therapy he has regressed to that o a 10 year old boy emotionally. His fear of abandonment is through the roof, he argues constantly or is afraid of me because of the stories he creates in his head about me. I feel like I am navigating a minefield never knowing what I am walking into. I participated in a 12-week program for family members of BPD however when I use the tools then his DID kicks in a and he feels like I am taking care of him so he does not do the work. If I back away and take space his BPD kicks in and he does things I ask him not to do because I find it painful, like checking out young women when he is with me.
I do have a therapist but I can't even talk about me because it always ends up going back to him no matter how hard I try to keep the focus on me.
I am so burnt out I get resentful at having to care for my puppies or grandchildren which I love very much. I get mad at him even when he is trying to be helpful, I think that comes from fear of not knowing what will come next.
 I would love a support group for DID family members but no such luck.

Not sure of my next move...
 

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Cat Familiar]

If you were to name the two top issues that are causing you to feel so burned out, what would they be? 

By the way,    Cat

[Masang M]

I wish it was simple as the two biggest, unfortunately, it is not. My husband lives in a state of disassociation the closest he comes to living, in reality, is a functional disassociation. I have seen him present on rare occasions but it does not last long. I avoid him now because I just don't know the response I am going to get, it could be anything from "I'm going to hurt you before you can hurt me" to blaming me for everything or simply arguing. Nothing gets resolved because of this. If I use the tools I have learned then he treats me like his mom and expects me to take care of him.

In writing this I realize my biggest challenge is his attitude of "I'm going to hurt you before you can hurt me"

[Cat Familiar]

Do you feel in any physical danger from these threats?