Welcome. Welcome to the website.
We've been discussing her BPD tendencies for several years and last month she admitted she thinks she really has it. I finally reached the same conclusion.
Was there something that happened last month that finally tipped the balance?
She told her therapist (but being extremely high functioning) and her therapist really doesn't believe her which isn't helping.
Often the traditional therapy model is vastly triggering for pwBPD (people with BPD). and the standard approach to therapy and couples therapy can exacerbate symptoms. The therapist might not believe her or may be more concerned with maintaining the therapeutic relationship and forward progress. Has DBT been mentioned at all?
We started going to co-parenting therapy a mo ago and my wife has sat stoically each session never mentioning BPD. Session Thursday and all my anger came out and I ended up telling the therapist (I had meant to tell therapist in confidence but now my wife knows). Now I've betrayed my wife and she's in full BPD spiral, etc.
Do you feel comfortable saying more about what is happening? What's being said and how you are responding?
I'm really struggling because I feel that although it has never gotten physical there's definitely emotional abuse even though she's really been working hard and learning skills.
There are a lot of skills and tools on this website that can help defuse conflict. Below is a link to one of them. Perhaps you could give it a read and then let us know what struck you as you read the page?
https://bpdfamily.com/pdfs/fuzzetti.pdf'ducks