Hi Thanos,
Welcome! You've found a safe place to regain your composure.
It sounds like you are in a difficult position having a work relationship with a former lover with BPD if I understanding correctly. You will need to tread very lightly.
...when I defend myself I’m called aggressive and it’s my fault because I drove them to it.
Something that is often discussed on this board is not to not JADE.
Justify
Argue
Defend
Explain
After joining this board, it took me a couple months to really latch onto the importance of this. However, not doing these things has made my relationship with my ex, much more stable. Although, I don't work with her, we are co-parenting, so I am stuck keeping the piece in a similar manner. Not JADEing has reduced the conflict greatly.
It doesn’t matter what I do to try and avoid any confrontation it always erupts no matter what I do. I feel like a mug, a fool, who’s only brought this on himself. I want to be supportive for what he’s been through but I can’t be an emotional punch bag.
I think most of the people on this board express similar sentiments. It will take you a long time to disassociate the pointed statements, as a personal attack on yourself, and see them as what they really are. They are often times projection for how they feel about themselves.
I suggest reading Stop Walking on Eggshells if you haven't already. It's a great introduction to what you are dealing with.
I also suggest you start making an exit strategy, by finding a new job. I'm not sure what industry you're in and how difficult that will be.