hammer
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: broken up and single
Posts: 23
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« Reply #1 on: July 15, 2021, 11:39:03 AM » |
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Sealion, welcome, sorry you are here, but there are a lot of good people here working through these same issues.
Good for you in taking the steps to protect yourself and your well being. You will be okay. Of course, it is a process and there will be ups and downs. I am almost four months in and I feel better, but have struggles at times. They are much shorter in duration. I think it is really important to go no contact and really hold to it. It gives you the space you need to heal and gain perspective. My gf left me for someone else, yet she is desperately trying to get me to remain friends. We were together for 4.5 years, she works for me and was a integral part of my business. I will only communicate electronically and only on relevant questions. She continues to try to use these to get in my good graces, almost daily this week. I ignore it all. It was not easy in the beginning, but it has really helped me. The one thing I will say is that no contact is all about you. It is not a tool to punish someone or manipulate them into returning or giving you some kind of closure. You have to seek your own closure.
I found a good blog on breakups and relationships, lots of great information. I have saved some of my favorite quotes to keep referring to. Here are some I like:
Don’t ever seek an explanation from the person who broke your heart. Ever. This rule can never be broken.
If you’re dealing with a person who has proven to have the capacity to dishonor, deceive, and hurt you, they are never, I repeat never, going to have the capacity to empathize with you in the way that you want and deserve.
You should never seek an explanation when it comes to abuse, toxicity, or negative people that bring you down in any way. You should always ACT on their bullsh*t by cutting emotional and/or physical contact with them right away.
It is really all about re-establishing your self esteem. These kinds of relationships can really suck it out of you. I have come to realize, I know the truth in what happened. Yes, I know I did things that triggered her. Not out of any type of meanness or abuse, but trying to apply normal responses to angry situations on her part. I knew nothing about BPD until it was all over. I certainly knew something was wrong. Relationships are two people, we all have our issues and contribute to its successes and failures. However, in these situations it is certainly more one-sided in cause. For the most part in mine, it was great and when it was it really good, but as time went on the bad behavior became more shocking and more frequent. It was such an out of balance situation.
The bottom line, for me, is to look inward for the answers, spend time working on the things I can change about myself, take the high road post relationship, work through all the emotions and don't suppress them, get them out and move on. We will make it. There is no other choice.
Good luck in your journey. You can do it and come out a better person on the other side!
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