child needs help

[Parents! Get help here!]

I am the mother of a beautiful 24 year old daughter who was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder.  She is defiant, angry, abusive, irrational at times.  She can be lovely at other times.  She is the mother of a precious 2 year old daughter.
She has started binge eating and feels she is suffering from an eating disorder.  The only type of help she will allow is for an eating disorder.  She will not accept that she has other mental health issues that are a part of the eating disorder.  How in the world do I help her to get help?  I'm afraid she will harm herself or her child.  She is on a major downward spiral - quit her job, continuously exercising, not putting her child first, going through a divorce.  Any advice is appreciated as I cannot help her unless she helps herself.

[chapman]

I am the mother of a beautiful 24 year old daughter who was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder.  She is defiant, angry, abusive, irrational at times.  She can be lovely at other times.  She is the mother of a precious 2 year old daughter.
She has started binge eating and feels she is suffering from an eating disorder.  The only type of help she will allow is for an eating disorder.  She will not accept that she has other mental health issues that are a part of the eating disorder.  How in the world do I help her to get help?  I'm afraid she will harm herself or her child.  She is on a major downward spiral - quit her job, continuously exercising, not putting her child first, going through a divorce.  Any advice is appreciated as I cannot help her unless she helps herself.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Only Human]

Hello chapman and welcome here! 

I'm so sorry for your struggle but I'm really glad you joined us. These boards are full of people in similar situations as yours and we can support each other.

How to help our loved ones is the million-dollar question! I wish I had a really great answer for that but I don't.

You say she's only open to help as it relates to her eating disorder. Is she receiving treatment? It's my understanding that an ED is a symptom of other things going on and so treatment for the ED will likely include digging deeper into the other things.

How are you coping? Do you have supportive friends, family, a therapist?

Please share a little more so we can know how to best support you. You are not alone.

~ OH

[pursuingJoy]

chapman, a second welcome from me! We're glad you're here.

The only type of help she will allow is for an eating disorder.  

What kind of help is she getting for her ED? Agree with OH, therapy for eating disorders will likely involve introspection as to the source of the trauma. It can be so very frustrating to want more for your child and to see them get the help they really need. Change is slow, much slower than we'd like.

Sometimes change takes weird turns. I encouraged my kids to seek counseling for their depression. They've now decided I'm the source of their problems. I'm not, and I suspect even they know that, but I've been the most consistent source of support and love for them, and perhaps they feel confident I won't reject them? It sure was a surprising twist.

It's really hard for me to see things happening that feel outside of my control. It helps to give myself something to work on, like my own well-being. When I'm healthy and well, I'm a better support for my family, and I have more clarity to know how to respond. Setting healthy boundaries gives my child the best opportunity learn responsibility and self-care.

How's the grandbaby doing? Are you close?