Devaluation and self awareness

[NonnyMouse]

My uBPDw goes through the pedestal -> devaluation process with everybody and everything. She chooses curtains, she adores them, a few weeks later she hates them, and always has an excuse (hormones, me). A sports coach is a perfect fit, but then becomes useless (maybe he didn't respond to an email fast enough). Similarly with an item of clothing, which always has to go back to the shop. And so on. 

Is there any way I can gently point out this process to her? Perhaps while she is enthusing about something. Obviously without triggering her or any mention of BPD! I guess I want to help her activate her 'Wise Mind.'

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[Cat Familiar]

Even if you could *gently point this out to her* what do you think that would accomplish?

I’m imagining that doing so would be very invalidating to her.

My husband has his own version of this. Prior to Covid, he liked to see live music. I’m not so much a fan of the types of music he likes, so he’d frequently go alone.

And every time, it would be the *best show he’s ever seen*.

[once removed]

I guess I want to help her activate her 'Wise Mind.'

i dont think this is something you need to life coach her about 

but you might just ask her with genuine curiosity why she changed her mind. "what happened? i thought you liked it!".

[NonnyMouse]

I've used something like "I thought you liked it/them." And it doesn't cause any problems. I just thought I'd be a tiny bit preemptive, just to nudge her in the right direction. But always bearing in mind not to invalidate.