It Has Been 6 Months

[MrRight]

Hello Guys.
Yes it has been 6 months since I left for good my marriage so thought I would update.

Have not seen her or my son (who she lives with) since June. I was due to go in August but cancelled. But I am going on Dec 16 (son's birthday) just for the day and obviously will see her. Not looking forward to that.

Not easy to move on. I did meet someone in May and that lasted 3 months but have been on my own since end of July. Not worried about being on my own but I feel a bit like I am lacking purpose. OK I have taken up painting but apart from that I spend my time working, walking and I watch 1 film a day on Netflix. I don't really do anything much else. I meet with a rambling club every Sunday so get together socially with a good crowd.

My mother lives nearby but she has some mental health issues and that is causing me problems as she is paranoid - has called the police to people who are innocent and as I see these people and previously enjoyed a talk with them - life is getting a bit awkward. One man she reported to the police for exposure and the people that live in this complex have turned against her.

But I am moving on in April when the weather improves and am going to do something I have been wanting to try - which many middle aged divorced people do so it is nothing new. I am going to buy  a small caravan and give up my flat - and tour around the country for 6 months while the weather permits. I can run my business on the move so that is ok. It will mean leaving my mother to herself but she is planning to move anyway and obviously she would not want me to stick around her and not do what I really want to do in life. She will be able to contact me if she needs me.

My ex is in frequent contact and still trying to get me back. I told her about my caravan plan and she thinks it is sad. But she also has issues at her flat - a leaking water issue (water leaked from her shower into the flat below and resulted in damage and she is determined not to accept liability) and she also has noisy neighbours who frequently party into the night. I have had to advise her on these issues and given that my son is there I feel bad that she is having these problems. It is a bit of a strain on me but unavoidable. I should say that when we lived together I always dreaded neighbour disputes due to the way she insisted on dealing with them - the word compromise is not in her vocabulary. I am a diplomat - and she would say that is another word for being a coward. I'm glad I am not subject to her ways of dealing with things any more.

The only other thing is I thought I had a prostate problem but it turned out to be nothing - still I was scared out of my mind at the thought of all the treatment and possible death. For all the purposeless of my life - I want to hang on to it as long as I can!

All the best to all of you.

[Ad Meliora]

But I am moving on in April when the weather improves and am going to do something I have been wanting to try - which many middle aged divorced people do so it is nothing new. I am going to buy  a small caravan and give up my flat - and tour around the country for 6 months while the weather permits.

Hello MrRight.  Thanks for the update.  I don't know your whole story, but I think this plan sounds pretty good!  I am in your demographic identified above, so maybe that's the appeal.  I'm also in a similar situation helping to care for a parent who has some health issues so that's keeping me tethered a bit, as well as the pandemic.  Two households and two cats keep me pretty busy, but I find time to watch a movie just about every night as well.  Which country are you touring, UK, America?

Good luck.

[MrRight]

Hello MrRight.  Thanks for the update.  I don't know your whole story, but I think this plan sounds pretty good!  I am in your demographic identified above, so maybe that's the appeal.  I'm also in a similar situation helping to care for a parent who has some health issues so that's keeping me tethered a bit, as well as the pandemic.  Two households and two cats keep me pretty busy, but I find time to watch a movie just about every night as well.  Which country are you touring, UK, America?

Good luck.

Thanks for your reply.
I have previously posted at length about my saga but essentially it was a 19 year marriage that took some getting out of - BPD/NPD.
I'm in the UK - touring a huge country like USA? No way - I'm glad I'm on this little island - there are still endless places to go.

[Newdawnnewday]

Hey Mr Right !

Your life doesn't seem purposeless at all !

I think we are all very HARD on ourselves !

You know, after enduring such a trauma as a 19 year marriage with a person W/ BPD, and how hard it must have been to get out, where you are at 6 months out seems pretty  awesome to me !

Just : having that plan, to make the most out of your free time, and tour the UK ! It really sounds good ! Where will you go ?

You know, at 6 months out, there must still be a lot of grieving to do. And so, these negative trapped emotions may prevent you from actually ADMIRING how far you've come, and enjoying that, and making the most of it by spicing things up. Have you started planning your trip ?

I used to be a student at Exeter University, how delightful a time I had there ! If I were to tour the UK, I'd start there, to see if things have changed (I'm sure they have) but most of all, if they still have that delicious carrot cake in my favorite bakery on St German's road (one of the main streets). Of course, I'd get some Cadbury chocolate with raisins and nuts ! And a good cup of tea !

Being like a hamster in a wheel-cage with a disordered person for years, and, also, taking on their heavy pain and sadness, this makes one lose sight of the little joys of life.

Sometimes it looks as though we have to start from scratch. What do I like ? What do I love ? What would the perfect day look like to me now, in spite (or including) my limitations / bad mood / heavy heart etc. ?

I hope you have a nice day.

Take care and thanks for the update, Mr Right !

[MrRight]

Hey Mr Right !

Your life doesn't seem purposeless at all !

I think we are all very HARD on ourselves !

You know, after enduring such a trauma as a 19 year marriage with a person W/ BPD, and how hard it must have been to get out, where you are at 6 months out seems pretty  awesome to me !

Just : having that plan, to make the most out of your free time, and tour the UK ! It really sounds good ! Where will you go ?

You know, at 6 months out, there must still be a lot of grieving to do. And so, these negative trapped emotions may prevent you from actually ADMIRING how far you've come, and enjoying that, and making the most of it by spicing things up. Have you started planning your trip ?

I used to be a student at Exeter University, how delightful a time I had there ! If I were to tour the UK, I'd start there, to see if things have changed (I'm sure they have) but most of all, if they still have that delicious carrot cake in my favorite bakery on St German's road (one of the main streets). Of course, I'd get some Cadbury chocolate with raisins and nuts ! And a good cup of tea !

Being like a hamster in a wheel-cage with a disordered person for years, and, also, taking on their heavy pain and sadness, this makes one lose sight of the little joys of life.

Sometimes it looks as though we have to start from scratch. What do I like ? What do I love ? What would the perfect day look like to me now, in spite (or including) my limitations / bad mood / heavy heart etc. ?

I hope you have a nice day.

Take care and thanks for the update, Mr Right !

Thanks for the vibes.

Well I have maintenance to pay so I have 1 purpose at least!

But I just need to get through the winter and hopefully once I am on the road - which is what I really want to do - things will become a little more purposeful. I am researching what to look out for when buying a 2nd hand caravan - practical things. I am going to buy a caravan 1 week before I move out of my flat so I can get it onto a good site and prepare it for living in. I also need to sell a lot of my possessions as I don't want to have to pay out to store anything. All my gear will go into my car and the caravan. Its going to be sad saying goodbye to my mother - though she may actually move on before I do as things are getting difficult for her here.

I will most likely start from where I am which is not too far from the Derbyshire border and work my way north up to Scotland - I will hit the highlands and loch ness in the summer and work my way down through the Penines and east coast to the south by October. If I think I can manage over the winter I will - maybe Cornwall as it is milder over the winter - though many sites close for the winter.