Help Parent not respecting boundaries

[Couscous]

  And, I genuinely do not want to hear her voice.  Calling would only be out of guilt and obligation.

What’s so tricky in these kinds of situations is determining our true motivations and this can take quite some time to figure out, and until the FOG over the relationship lifts this can be almost impossible to do. This is why it seems like it is almost always necessary to take a hiatus from these relationships so we can get clear on how much genuine desire we have to be in contact with people who drain us.

Have you heard of the concept of a “tea party relationship”? It is from the book “Mother’s Who Can’t Love”. It’s basically a completely superficial relationship in which you have to give up all yearnings for a genuine emotional connection or unconditional love, as well as a willingness to be assertive and in control of the content of the conversation. But I think it’s only possible to achieve this after we’ve begun to reliably and consistently reparent our inner child, because until we do so our inner child is going to continue to yearn for what our mothers are incapable of giving.

Another book that just came to mind that I thought was very helpful on this issue is Children of Emotionally Immature Parents.

[Methuen]

Since we got back from our trip, my mom has been messaging how lonely she is.

  

While we were gone on our trip, she told grand daughter how lonely she is.  

She stubbornly refuses assisted living because she has this crazy idea that once she is there, everyone will forget about her and no one will come to visit.

It’s also about control.  She would be giving up some of that.  

She makes up lies about the facility.  

So when she texts she is lonely I want to respond by asking her “what can you do about your loneliness “?

I don’t want to hear she is lonely.  She has brought that on herself.  

When home care was coming, she at least had social contact, but she cancelled home care.

How to respond, so that these texts stop coming?  Or just keep ignoring them?

[Methuen]

Apologies- replied  to wrong thread.