Learning from repeating the same mistakes

[Silverdash]

I had and have 2 very stressful events in my life atm. As a result I gave into my urge to contact ex pwBpD, because I thought he would care.

His actions spoke larger than words.

He asked questions and for details, and then left me "on read" for most of the day and night. When I was reading msgs from other friends I saw he had been online several times. He has used this not opening msgs tactic in the past to 'punish' me and others (his words). He also told me in the past that he reads the msgs on his notifications so the person wont see he has read it. That night I ended up deleting my msgs to him, because I felt he didn't deserve to have further details if he was choosing to immediately and deliberately ignore my replies to his questions. It felt like a new trauma realizing this was his true self.

He pretends to be caring and empathetic through his empty words and phrases he has learnt in therapy. His actions reveal the truth: he does not care about me. I feel bereft, empty, sad.

I want to hate him. I can only pity him. I pity my self for trusting him. I dont know why I thought he would care...his friendship is a sham...and that hurts to slowly accept.