My Adult Child

[Redbunnie]

My son was diagnosed while in college with BPD and he is 23 now. I had my doubts at first because he majored in psychology and it is not uncommon for those studying psych to believe that have some type of mental illness. In addition, the type of BPD that my son has is very rare. He doesn't really "act out"  but instead he internalizes a lot. He kept his struggles hidden quite well. We recently moved to a smaller place so until he finds his own place, he is in our living room. He can't hide his emotions like he could when he had his own space, so I have seen it more and more. He is sharp, funny, and kind, but I do see the BP now. I love him and I will always be there for him, but I am trying to make it so that I won't NEED to be. I want to get him to the right therapist so that he can begin this long journey of healing. I love him more than anyone in the world, but I do find this exhausting. It's as if I am always waiting for the proverbial "other shoe" to drop. We take care of one thing and BOOM, something else is waiting.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Sancho]

Hi Redbunnie
It does sound like a different side to the BPD spectrum, and it is interesting that it has taken really close living to become obvious.

It is pretty difficult with your son occupying the living room. Do you have any timeframe for him being with you?

I made a quick decision when DD came home and part of my house was closed for renovations: I gave DD my room and moved to the living room myself! I just can't imagine how life would be with DD in the living room - impossible would be one word to describe it!

I am on the same page as you when you say you want your son not to 'need you'. The normal progression of growing to adulthood is becoming able to care for oneself and form an independent relationship with parents.

The fact your son has done this to some quite considerable extent is very promising, but there is not enough detail in your post to see what future steps are possible.

I suppose my questions are:
What steps can you take to find the right therapist - would those who did the diagnosis have any recommendation?
Is your son willing to commit to therapy?
Is there a timeframe for your son moving out - and connected to this is do you think it better your son starts therapy while at your place?

Finding a way forward will at the very least help you to cope with the situation you are in now. One of the hardest things to cope with in relation to a BPD loved one is the feeling that there is no end in sight.

I have been dealing with BPD dd for a long time now and I know how often I get to the point of 'I can't do this anymore' - and it's because I can't see any end in sight.

When I get to this point I focus on one thing that I hope to do. At the moment it is how to get dd to a doctor, and a doctor who she will relate to so that the many issues I can see can be addressed. This might take me months to achieve, but whenever my mind goes to other things I come back to 'Well I just want to get an appointment with the right doc at the right time for dd'.

It helps to focus on one objective I think.

I hope you have some success in moving forward in the very near future - and thanks for your post.