Why flying monkeys are narcissists too

[Depression = 72% of members]

I came across this very interesting study referenced in the article below and thought that it lends credence to the theory that flying monkeys are narcissists too. Basically, the flying monkeys feel ashamed of the perpetrator's misbehavior but since narcissists cannot tolerate feelings of shame, their only option is to offload those feelings by attacking the scapegoat. 

“We find evidence that having a connection to the perpetrator, through a close bond, may enhance the sense that a close other’s bad behavior somehow reflects upon you,” expands Forbes. “For example, if a person finds out their romantic partner spread an untrue rumor about one of their coworkers, they tend to feel guilty and ashamed of the behavior, even though they didn’t do anything wrong themselves. This is likely due to the shared sense of identity we have with those we care about.”

“One option to maintain our moral values in the face of a loved one’s transgression is to distance ourselves from close others who transgress by exiting the relationship,” says Forbes. “But given our reliance on those we care about, this is extremely costly. It is far less costly, and preferable, to avoid seeing a close other negatively even in the face of their bad behavior.”

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/social-instincts/202203/how-should-we-behave-when-loved-ones-misbehave

[Couscous]

I came across this very interesting study referenced in the article below and thought that it lends credence to the theory that flying monkeys are narcissists too. Basically, the flying monkeys feel ashamed of the perpetrator's misbehavior but since narcissists cannot tolerate feelings of shame, their only option is to offload those feelings by attacking the scapegoat. 

“We find evidence that having a connection to the perpetrator, through a close bond, may enhance the sense that a close other’s bad behavior somehow reflects upon you,” expands Forbes. “For example, if a person finds out their romantic partner spread an untrue rumor about one of their coworkers, they tend to feel guilty and ashamed of the behavior, even though they didn’t do anything wrong themselves. This is likely due to the shared sense of identity we have with those we care about.”

“One option to maintain our moral values in the face of a loved one’s transgression is to distance ourselves from close others who transgress by exiting the relationship,” says Forbes. “But given our reliance on those we care about, this is extremely costly. It is far less costly, and preferable, to avoid seeing a close other negatively even in the face of their bad behavior.”

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/social-instincts/202203/how-should-we-behave-when-loved-ones-misbehave

[Notwendy]

I agree but it seems to be in different ways.

For my mother's FOO it seems to be "our family is wonderful" and BPD mother is part of that so they defend her. However, recently they are starting to see her behaviors in a more realistic manner, which is a change for them.

For my father ( and I see this on the relationship board too ) there seems to be some sense of being able to stay in the relationship as some sort of positive trait. Others couldn't do it but they are the one who can fix them. Being in rescuer position gives a sense of being the hero.

[zachira]

Couscous,
Thank you for starting the discussion of such an important topic. Many times the flying monkeys enabling of the perpetrators is the most hurtful and painful of all. If the perpetrator/perpetrators did not have flying monkeys, than they would not have the power to abuse people in the ways that they do. I have an extremely narcissistic extended family. I am one of many scapegoats chosen from birth. The more I have insisted on being treated with kindness and respect, in addition to standing up to the abuse of other family members, the more the flying monkeys have come after me. In my extended family, being brilliant is venerated beyond any other trait, and the brilliant ones are put on a pedestal at birth and made golden children. Most of the golden children are narcissists, and many would likely easily qualify for a diagnosis of NPD if evaluated by a qualified professional. The ones who are not brilliant and go along with the abuse are also narcissistic though less so, than the golden children. Then there are the family members who have had a healthy upbringing who seem to innocently enable the narcissists, who are not narcissists themselves. I have let the family members and family friends know that they have to stop making inquiries about my whereabouts. My NPD sister wanted to have a party this summer and make sure I was not in town. I let the inquiring relatives know that making up excuses about wanting to know my whereabouts to pass on to my NPD sister is not okay. Some people are giving me the cold shoulder because of setting this boundary. I am tired of the endless inquiries from the flying monkeys who pretend to want to know where I am and what I am doing because they supposedly care about me. This has been going on for 2 years now, even since I made it clear to my NPD sister I want nothing to do with her. I now have just a few family members that I am in contact with. Most of the time, we have to get rid of all of the flying monkeys, or most of them, to be able to heal and move on with our lives after suffering narcissistic abuse. In my experience, having stricter boundaries with the flying monkeys, lessens  considerably the amount of ongoing abuse that I have to deal with.