Painful devaluation

[AviaOct.1]

Hi everyone. I’m new to this. I’ve been with my girlfriend for a year and a half and i think she is going through a period of devaluation. She’s been mean and distant and it hurts me so much. Is there anything I can do? How do I know when to walk away? The idea of leaving her breaks my heart and I’m just feeling at a loss of what to do. Thanks for listening.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[CodaDad]

Man I’m sorry to hear what you’re going through because a year and a half is definitely long enough to love someone so much it’s hard to walk away— or even to come to that decision and trust your instincts. I’m going on almost 5 years with mine so just imagine how much harder it is to consider walking away from all you’ve invested. Hopefully you’ve read a bunch of articles from this website, and I would suggest to all of us with BPD or high conflict partners to self reflect on whether we are codependents. I’m probably in no position to give advice so I will try to phrase this as moral support. 1. BPD cannot be cured but apparently it can be managed if they (not you) are serious about wanting to; 2. I don’t think there is a silver bullet when it comes to convincing someone they have BPD and getting them motivated to address it; for most of us I think we got to a point we felt we had nothing else to lose by confronting them about it. 3. And finally you will need to put lots of energy into your own self-care, boundary setting, overcoming codependency, and learning the ins and outs of BPD so you are equipped to navigate life with that person. Good luck!

[Jabiru]

Hi I found that being direct and literal with my partner is best for the long term. I ask how I can help if unsure. Most of the time it's to just to sit and be with her. That and listen.

If she says mean things to me, I ask her to stop and if it continues then I say I need an hour to myself to calm down and simply exit the room.

And what Coda says above about self-care. Good luck and keep us posted.