Its me again guys its gotten worse.

[Ark]

Hi again everyone,

We weren't speaking as I was giving him space, yesterday he sent me a funny snapchat so I thought it was an olive branch, he then text me asking if he can still use my car to do a couple of bits this weekend (we had already planned before he cancelled the plans) so I thought ok maybe he's out of his split, I won't give him a hard time ill just act normal, I said of course, then he asked if I could come down the same day I said I cant as I was getting my hair cut, he just switched and sent me message after message saying things like I'm done just drop my stuff off, I don't want to be in a relationship, I don't want to be with you, I will never change my mind, I love you but don't see a future with you, even if I come running back I don't see a future with you, I'm done move on with your life. I voice noted him and said I know you're feeling a lot of feelings right now but I will give you space for a couple of weeks then we will meet up and have a chat, we aren't ending this we've been together 3 years we can work through anything and I love you and that won't change so we will sort this out. he just sent a ton of messages back saying the same as previous how it won't ever work hes done and to drop his stuff off. I sent him one more voice note saying its ok we will have space and I love you. He didn't reply for hours then started messaging me telling me to cancel his gym membership and to cancel our travelling plans to Bali and get him the money back and drop his stuff off. It hurts so much because he always says the things he know will hurt me the most. I just replied with ok at this point because if I don't reply he. keeps going and if I reply he keeps going but I'm exhausted. I spoke to his friend yesterday who he always listens to and he manages to really level him out, he's going to see him tomorrow to talk to him so I'm thinking that will go really well it always does. So I'm thinking maybe ill leave him alone until Wednesday Thursday then reach out to him and just tell him I miss him and want to fix things. Im just torn because my mind is battling with each outcome like what if I leave it til next week and he isn't interested even though a week is a long time or what if I leave it a week and he still isn't interested and actually meant everything he said. Im obviously anxious for the outcome I'm just so heartbroken guys I know we always fix it but what if we don't I love him so much and just want to cuddle him Sorry I know this is a long message I'm just so desperate right now. I know its out of his control I just don't get how I can be the best person ever and he loves me so much and misses me so much to never wanting to see me again 2 days later and not wanting to be with me like what is going on

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

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[Bella2798]

Dear Ark,

I can completely understand how you feel right now. I know that urge to cuddle him, say you're sorry and you can see your love for eachother. And the fear of losing the one you love just because of a splitting episode. I know that anxiety when you remember all those past episodes, but still think maybe this time is different.

I'm kinda in the same place as you, and I'm mot much of an expert in BPD, I'm still learning and many things are new to me. But there's one thing for sure: this is how BPD is. It goes from morning texting the loveliest stuff and breaking up because they always have wanted to, later at night.
I look at my partner with BPD as a child in huge amount of pain. The child who had found someone so safe that he opened up to, and managed to be vulnerable around, but suddenly that person seems like they might be leaving them because they said something "not positive/affectionate enough", and will be leaving him because now it's visible that how horrible person he is. He kicks me out, because the pain of him breaking up while thinking "it's fine, I'll break up, who needs a partner? I'll move on" is much easier than being rejected by me.
Even he might think that he has found the source of all the problems he has. Like the last piece of puzzle. And breaking up gives him the feeling of having control over his life, the feeling of doing the right thing and taking care of himself.

I know how hard this is for you. I've found myself even asking on Reddit that if he'll be back. And no one knows, but if it makes you feel better, I can say he'll probably be back when he's out of his splitting episode. Maybe a talk with a good friend can help, or maybe he needs more time to sit with his emotions a bit and try to calm that tornado down. Remember that they feel at least twice as much as we feel, and they have half the ability others have in identifying, processing and regulating their emotions.

I hope this helps you deal with this easier and ease you a but.
Please take care of yourself as I know this situations take a lot of energy. Self care can be hard during these times, but even a bit of it can be so beneficial.