Can't get over her

[Emma12]

Hello!
I have been in a romantic relationship with my ex-fiancée for 5 years. She has always shown signs of bpd but has never been diagnosed until recently. Two months ago she broke up with me really brutally and admitted that she had cheated and lied for about a months before the break-up. The break-up has been really brutal and extremely tough on me as I did not know by then that she had bpd and I did not understand how she could just stopped loving me in what felt like a month. She said that she met another woman who is way younger than her and that the are soulmates while they had snowed each other abut a month or two and had met just twice. I have been trying to deal with it the best I can but ut's extremely hard making sense of this. I feel like she never really loved me because she just ended our 5 years relationship in a heartbeat and seems to just not have any type of romantic feelings for me. She says she wants to stay friends but I am having a really hard time getting over her so I don't really know how to deal with my emotions. Has anyone been in a smile situation?

[cranmango]

Emma—I am so sorry. That sequence of events is awful. Many of us have endured similar situations.

I was with my ex for four years. Lived with her half time. Our kids were best friends. Headed toward marriage. Multiple breakups along the way. The final breakup came in a parking lot at the end of a date. Within a week she was with a new guy she met online, now they are engaged.

Point being, none of this makes sense. None of these dynamics are healthy. You didn’t do anything wrong. You’ve had your heart stomped on by someone who is ill.

I’m 11 months out from the breakup. It still hurts, and I think of my ex often. But I’m still standing. As much pain as you are in right now, it won’t always feel this way. These boards have been a lifeline for me. Reading the stories of others taught me that we aren’t alone.

[Emma12]

Thank you so much for your reply Cranmango and I am sorry fi what you are going through.

For me it has been really hard to understand any of it. I have tried and wanted to reach out to her so many times but it’s like she has totally forgotten about these 5 years we spent together and this is really hard. We had never broken up before in 5 years so it was truly a shock when she did. I thought she would come back but she has not and she won’t.
 I have also spent a lot of time reading these boards and it really helps me feeling supported and understood. I have read a book named How I survived my borderline girlfriend. This has really helped me understand her behavior a bit better but it has also made it really hard to just accept that it’s over and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it.
I am moving next week and today I have taken the decision to cut all contact with her. It’s been difficult but I hope I will be able to do it for my own sake. I need to move on.
I hope that you will also reach this point where you can fully move on. I wish this for both of us and for everybody else out there who is in the same situation as us.