PTSD, still in the FOG or just don't care

[Newyoungfather]

Hello everyone,
Just wanted to give a quick update and how I'm feeling to see if anyone else has had similar feelings from leaving a NPD/BPD.
I recently left a toxic relationship filled with gas lighting, double standards and splitting.  I found myself so stressed and exhausted that I couldn't fall asleep at night nor get up in the morning, it was a struggle making it through the day walking on eggshells when dating her.
Since I ended the relationship I felt relieved, not sad, I'm finding it very easy not even thinking about her nor checking her on Facebook or ruminating about how great the beginning of the relationship was.  She lied and controlled me throughout the relationship and for some reason I don't feel angry, sad or want revenge.  I feel like I'm on autopilot right now in emotions, I'm falling asleep easily at night and waking up at 6am not 9 or 10.  Out of all my previous relationship even those that didn't have BPD or NPD this ending of the relationship is definitely different, I'm not sad, angry, stressed, anxious, I really don't care if she immediately started dating someone else.  Anyone else ever has felt this, any thoughts?

[capecodling]

I’m glad to hear you are feeing so much better.  For a lot of us on here, we had formed an addiction (via trauma bond) to our ex, so even though it is a relief breaking up — and I’ve noticed all of the same improvements you reported in myself (better sleep, relieved feeling, peace) — the process of dissolving the trauma bond can be a painful rollercoaster, like detoxing from drugs or alcohol.   It seems like that is not the case for you, perhaps you had healthy enough boundaries to not start fusing to your ex via trauma bond, so now you don’t have your mind playing tricks on you (like many others on here) to keep the trauma bond intact.

[Newyoungfather]

That makes capecoding that makes sense.  It was a roller coaster relationship and looking back I see how much I was controlled, she came from a highly enmeshed family and I believe she projected that onto me.  I do get sad from time to time but its more of a "that was a close call, I did enjoy the beach vacation when we didn't fight" type of sad.  How does it feel to be trauma bonded, I take it that trauma is an integrated part of the relationship?

[capecodling]

Yes, people with the trauma bond seem to frame things the opposite of you.  Instead of being mostly sad like you described “that was a close call” or “that’s sad how broken she is” or “he must be tormented” or “too bad she won’t work on herself” ….

All of that sadness may be there but even stronger are feelings like “maybe there is a way i can make this work” or “i really miss her” or “we could have been so good together” or “i wonder what he is doing and who he is with” and you just obsess over the same questions endlessly in a loop, its hell.

But its also possible to use the pain of the trauma bond as your incentive to wake up and heal, to better yourself, to dissolve the trauma bond and heal your underlying trauma.  So its not all bad.