Adopted at 14 months old, now in college

[Ehunt]

I just found this site and have a child who was told they have bpd.  They had a breakdown at college last semester and ended up in the hospital where a therapist said they have bpd which our child agreed with.  I haven't been able to find much on bpd and adoption, but there seems to be some related traumas etc.  Compared to the hardships that others have talked about in this forum I feel like our situation is mild, but it is all consuming to us as parents.  In a nutshell we feel there is a lack of empathy, gratitude and appreciation, and an inability to express these things in a "normal" fashion.  All of which results in anger or closing off on both our ends.  Our child is a high achiever so we aren't worried about her in that respect, but we are worried about their future relationships. 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Turkish]

We adopted kids can be a tough bunch... we hung out with other adoptive families when I was a kid and I was one of the better adjusted ones. I was adopted at 2.4 years.

I'd say that it's a positive that your daughter achknowdges the diagnosis. What are the next steps in treatment, and is she receptive?

[Gemsforeyes]

I’m sorry that your child and your family are experiencing this difficult time.  One very positive is that you state your daughter agrees with her diagnosis, which may hopefully mean she’ll want to improve her prognosis for healing, i.e. DBT, ongoing therapy.

I’m not so sure your search for a direct correlation between adoption and a BPD diagnosis will yield any results.  I guess people want to know “why?”… but stuff happens, and sometimes there just isn’t an identifiable answer.  The pain is already there, the reasons don’t matter, so please do your family a favor by avoiding the placement of “blame”.

You state that your daughter shows a “lack of empathy, gratitude and appreciation…”.  In my limited understanding, empathy is learned; and is a quality that does begin early, but CAN be taught at any time (even now). 

Can you expand on what type of gratitude and appreciation you’re looking for from your daughter and how those lacking qualities relate to your daughter’s breakdown and resulting hospitalization?

How is your daughter doing since her hospitalization?  What type of ongoing support is she and your family receiving?

Warmly,
Gemsforeyes

[kells76]

Hi Ehunt and welcome to the boards -- glad you reached out.

It's positive to hear that your D seems open to the BPD diagnosis. I have the same question as Turkish: Does she seem open to taking it a step further and seeking treatment? I'd hope that her college might offer some kind of accessible support.

You may have already thought of this, but if you still can contact the adoption agency, the agency may offer "post adoption support" to adoptees and to families. I wonder if you and/or she could find that helpful -- to connect with others who are experiencing challenges and to get understanding about what may be connected to the adoption process.

Fill us in on whatever timeline works best for you -- we'll be here;

kells76