The Role of Parents and State of the World

[Depression = 72% of members]

So many of us on this site have some of the problems we do because of our parents who use/used their children to get their needs met with little regard for what is/was best for their children. In the world, we have so many politicians who refuse to give up their power and do nothing to mentor the younger generations. I personally struggle with this in all areas of my life. I am a member of an organization that refuses to have anything to do with attracting younger members. This organization means a lot to me yet all my attempts to get younger people involved have failed because the older members want to do things in the ways they have always done And absolutely do not care about what younger people want and think. If the younger generations are not our future, then what kind of future do we have? I personally believe in trying to leave things better then I found them which includes helping younger people to find their voices and vocations. I find I learn a lot from listening to younger people and do not think I know it all because I am older than someone.

[zachira]

So many of us on this site have some of the problems we do because of our parents who use/used their children to get their needs met with little regard for what is/was best for their children. In the world, we have so many politicians who refuse to give up their power and do nothing to mentor the younger generations. I personally struggle with this in all areas of my life. I am a member of an organization that refuses to have anything to do with attracting younger members. This organization means a lot to me yet all my attempts to get younger people involved have failed because the older members want to do things in the ways they have always done And absolutely do not care about what younger people want and think. If the younger generations are not our future, then what kind of future do we have? I personally believe in trying to leave things better then I found them which includes helping younger people to find their voices and vocations. I find I learn a lot from listening to younger people and do not think I know it all because I am older than someone.

[Notwendy]

I think one issue is that, as a world even- it seems we are so divided and I can't pin point one reason for it, there are so many and some I don't even know well enough to comment on.

I think social media has contributed. Social media has benefits but one drawback is that it's easier to be rude and insulting to faceless person that you don't know, but the person can still have hurt feelings.

For you Zachira- the older members don't seem to want to listen to the younger ones. Perhaps they are clinging on to what they see as familiar in a rapidly changing world. Perhaps the younger ones don't want to listen to those they think are "old people" too. I agree with you though- we need to be able to listen, to hear each other, even if we don't agree with them because somehow we all need to be able to coexist as a group.

[zachira]

Notwendy,
We have so much to learn from each other. One of my best friends passed away this year. She was a brilliant accomplished woman and was always interested in all kinds of people. The biggest tribute to her were the ordinary people who spoke at her Celebration of Life along with the very accomplished brilliant people like her.

I agree with you that social media is a problem. I see the biggest challenge is that companies like Facebook target people according to what their political beliefs are; I know I will not hear points of view very different from mine, unless I show people I am genuinely interested in hearing how they think. I have had many a conversation with people who I thought were so different from me, yet after getting to know them, I found we did have some points of view in common and/or I changed my thinking about some things after talking to them.

The frustration of having a mother with BPD, is she does not see or hear her children. Sometimes this translates into children who end up being either very narrow minded or open minded. 

[Notwendy]

Our politics reminds me of the Karpman triangle. I'm not blaming one side - I know politics are not a topic for the board and so I am not discussing one side- but the pattern- and I think both sides are doing it. Each side is blaming the other side- making their opponent the persecutor, the people are the victims of a policy or decision of their opponent and they are the ones to solve the issue- being the rescuer.

When I am able to talk to someone who is on the other side of the fence, they seem to mirror this concern- the other candidate will cause ruin. People on each side seem to feel the same way about the other side.

I agree that we tend to be in our own social circles with people who agree with us- social media feeds information that we are interested in. Also, political leanings tend to be regional, so we are surrounded by people with similar politics. It also like to listen to different points of view on topics, but discussions can get contentious.

But are we really that divided or is this something created to make us feel that way? Most people I talk to seem to want many of the same things- to coexist, to be able to support ourselves and our families, to feel safe, have good public facilities- schools, roads, etc. I think we have more capacity to counter these divisions than we think- if we could have face to face discussions with each other, maybe we'd see we aren't as divided as we think we are.

[zachira]

Each side is blaming the other side- making their opponent the persecutor, the people are the victims of a policy or decision of their opponent and they are the ones to solve the issue- being the rescuer.

When I am able to talk to someone who is on the other side of the fence, they seem to mirror this concern- the other candidate will cause ruin. People on each side seem to feel the same way about the other side.

I agree that we tend to be in our own social circles with people who agree with us- social media feeds information that we are interested in. Also, political leanings tend to be regional, so we are surrounded by people with similar politics. It also like to listen to different points of view on topics, but discussions can get contentious.

But are we really that divided or is this something created to make us feel that way? Most people I talk to seem to want many of the same things- to coexist, to be able to support ourselves and our families, to feel safe, have good public facilities- schools, roads, etc. I think we have more capacity to counter these divisions than we think- if we could have face to face discussions with each other, maybe we'd see we aren't as divided as we think we are.

[zachira]

Notwendy,
I agree with all that you have said.

People are not comfortable disagreeing with each other so they say nothing, and the problem with this is if you are willing to disagree with someone, you may find that you do have things that you do agree on. Most people do not learn conflict resolution skills in their FOO. In disordered families, the children are expected to agree with the parents, no matter how unreasonable the demands of the parents are which does not allow children to learn to think for themselves and honor their own feelings. I believe that the people who are so polarized in their politics are uncomfortable with exploring their feelings and do not have decent conflict resolutions skills. I am not talking about one party in particular, just the overall atmosphere of either you are on one side or the other, and the other is the enemy.

[Teach21]

100% agree. What is happening is tragic. I agree that most people want unity and try to understand others. We need to meet in the middle, and I personally lean very much to one side. However, I understand that not everyone has the same beliefs and opinions as me.

Social media and biased "news" reporting is pitting people against each other and making it side against side. Social media also allows true psychopaths and others with evil intent to gain a large audience and group together when otherwise they wouldn't.

[zachira]

100% agree. What is happening is tragic. I agree that most people want unity and try to understand others. We need to meet in the middle, and I personally lean very much to one side. However, I understand that not everyone has the same beliefs and opinions as me.

Social media and biased "news" reporting is pitting people against each other and making it side against side. Social media also allows true psychopaths and others with evil intent to gain a large audience and group together when otherwise they wouldn't.

Unfortunately, we are now looked at as people to target and market according to our beliefs. What is so sad is a lot of the younger generations have not learned the art of conversation and how to have meaningful interactions. Hard to have anything other than superficial conversations these days and the pressure is on to keep the topics superficial so nobody gets upset. Avoiding discussing problems makes the problems worse. Those people with evil intentions are often the most charming and get undeserved attention.