my (soon to be ex) wife keeps leaving food and things at my door.

[ogopogodude]

like clock work my wife keeps leaving little parcels at my rental place front door. I do not acknowledge her items that she leaves (I made sure that we have a  mutual restraining order in place, ... . only communication is by email re:kids only). She violates this all the time.

   Should I get a video camera at my rental residence to document this activity when I do not want her to do this? I do understand that she doesn't want a divorce, ... . and that she wants to reconcile, ... . and that she has these fleeting moments of being nice, (... .   just to reel me in to torment me over & over).

What input do you have for me? Should I email her and say, ... . "did you leave this and that at my door ... . ?"  how should I handle this?

[GreenMango]

If you have a mutual restraining order its best to follow what it says.

Asking her if she brought it over could cause some problems.  Maybe talk through your attorney about it.  

I wouldn't want any more things to cause problems in the divorce or custody jeopardizing that.

[Validation78]

Hi Ogo!

Of course we know that pwBPD are frequent boundary busters. You could continue to ignore it, and chances are at some point she will stop since it is not having the desired effect. Don't give her any intermittent rewards by being less than firm in your conviction to follow through with the divorce if it's what you want. My soon to be ex BPDh did some similar things, and I just didn't acknowledge anything, and kept, and keep all communications about business, no mixed messages. The niceness stopped soon enough, when he concluded that I wasn't buying the old ways.

Best Wishes,

Val78

[ogopogodude]

thanks for your input. I figured not to even email her to ask if it was her that dropped it off (even though I know it was, ... . as the grocery items are things she knows I like). And there is really no point for me to go to the extent and expense of a video cam on my front step foyer... .   she violates the restraining order so many many times in her daily emails to me (extremely devaluing, demeaning, etc. ) but I'll tell you, ... . it sure is taxing on my energy level. Her behaviour sure sucks the life right out of me.

[Validation78]

For the record, intermittent rewards for pwBPD are responses, to both nice and not so nice behaviors. So, not only would I not acknowledge the gifts, I wouldn't acknowledge the nasty emails either. I know it's hard to not address the things they say and do that press our buttons, however, it really does work to ignore it and let them wallow in their own stuff. Not allowing ourselves to be sucked into the mania anymore is a good feeling, and allows you to feel in control of yourself, and the situation. The pwBPD is no longer in control of your emotions, you are!

[pallavirajsinghani]

Dare I mention the obvious:

Since you are dealing with mental illness, it is advisable not to consume anything, nor let anyone consume any of the items, even if the packaging looks intact.

[hithere]

Since you are dealing with mental illness, it is advisable not to consume anything, nor let anyone consume any of the items, even if the packaging looks intact.

hahaha, yes this for sure!

Just ignore it and toss the stuff in the garbage.

[ogopogodude]

   Thanks people for your input and opinions. They are very helpful. She acknowledged her own delivery in an email today, ... . but I still will not acknowledge it by saying thank you... .   as this will enforce her to continue.

  I really do appreciate this effort she goes to, ... .   I do still love her soo very much an, thus,  it hurts NOT to thank her. I just cannot live with the rages/temper anymore. She does love me very much but because she is not only BPD she is also narcissistic & stubborn.

  Anyways, ... . I will do as what was recommended above posts. Ignore. I'm kinda getting used to that as it is... .