back in the funk

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

super depressed.  i can't shake this.  my life is surrounded in ___.  i am getting away now but that leaves me in my room alone.  i do have good friends, but my depression makes it hard for me to even wanna hang out.  i am actually jealous of a friend with a kidney infection, b.c she has good reason to be laid up in her room passing the time.  makes me want to self-, but i won't.  i know there's no point.  yes i'm seeing a T, yes i'm on meds ... .no they aren't working ... .yes i'm planning to switch them.  i know there are no real replies for a post like this.  just so anyone else doesnt feel quite so alone with these feelings.

[SoMuchPain]

super depressed.  i can't shake this.  my life is surrounded in ___.  i am getting away now but that leaves me in my room alone.  i do have good friends, but my depression makes it hard for me to even wanna hang out.  i am actually jealous of a friend with a kidney infection, b.c she has good reason to be laid up in her room passing the time.  makes me want to self-, but i won't.  i know there's no point.  yes i'm seeing a T, yes i'm on meds ... .no they aren't working ... .yes i'm planning to switch them.  i know there are no real replies for a post like this.  just so anyone else doesnt feel quite so alone with these feelings.

[dupchek4me]

Geez. I felt as bad as you so I signed on and then read this post.  I thought I was alone and nobody felt like me but you do so I guess we are not alone.  Does that make sense?  The funks are hard to break.  I went hiking today and felt okay while doing it but you can't hike all day.  I know how you feel.  Wish I could say more to make you feel better but I know for me, it is cyclical so you will come out of it.  Take care.

[wiscago]

you know what... .hang in there. i swear better days will come.  i miss my ex evryday, still ! i miss her boy too he was like my own. as, soon as she left or while we were together she got pregnant. lately, i spend my days trying to make sense of it. i think the key is just keep moving , one foot in front of the other  and keep your effen head up! they do not deserve to see you fall from grace. i got your back if you need me look me up. keep swinging and one will drop over the fence for you... .i swear.

[SoMuchPain]

thanks you guys.

i had an honest talk with one of my best friends tonight about my own mental health.  i was broken when i met my ex.  she and i had sex within hours of meeting each other and were spending 24.7 together within days, and i told her i loved her after 2 weeks ... .and yes that makes ME sound crazy.  and maybe i am.  however her new gf literally moved in with her after 2 weeks so i don't understand why i was so crazy in my ex's eyes.  she is just as much to blame.  especially how she kept stringing me after she broke up with me.  i wish i could take a pill and forget everything about her and what happened.  i've lost my mind.  and a part of myself.  i feel almost as much as a lost cause as she is ... .except everyone flocks to her, and runs from me.

[wiscago]

thats how i was too and thats how the new guy is now... .i think thats how they are. also, i was broken after a 3year relationship when i met her. the my story is the same as yours.

[2010]

If it's any consolation, you will get better.

You Will Get Better.

Looking back on it now- I had no idea what it would take to go through- but I managed to stay alive and make it. The pills wont really accomplish what you want (that is, complete freedom from pain.) I threw the pills away because I wanted them -to do- the work for me- and damned if they couldn't.

I had to suffer and see the bottom of the well. The Under World. Now I know that place so well, I feel I can be a tour guide there- down... .and back- staying long enough to turn to ash and then pulling all that carbon together again to make a new soul- one with hope and dreams and love for myself. You will too.

Maybe none of this makes sense to you right now. That's OK. Be kind to yourself and take your time. This is a process- one that will change your life.

It will get better, I promise.

[turtlesoup]

The emotional rollercoaster of this break up is really tough. I think, tbh, well I know, I can only attribute my feeling further on down the road (but not outta the woods) is simply due to NC. I put up a security zone around myself in relation to her. No news, no checking websites, no talks with mutual friends about her life.

But initially, even when i just got the odd email or talked about her a bit, it threw me off. The healing of NC is not easy, its painful, you're craving her or what you had (or thought you did) endlessly. What they reflected was such a buzz that letting go seemed impossible, but not only was it an illusion, it was an illusion she wasn't projectin anymore afterwards. Like hanging around at the end of a really good movie just hoping to be dazzled and enthralled a little more.

There are other movies, and just as I loved Ferris Bueller 10 years ago, eventually my tastes matured, I changed and now I like other things. This will pass SMP, it will, you have to keep the faith and you have to keep NC but you don't have to wall up. Reconnect with old friends?

[SoMuchPain]

But initially, even when i just got the odd email or talked about her a bit, it threw me off. The healing of NC is not easy, its painful, you're craving her or what you had (or thought you did) endlessly. What they reflected was such a buzz that letting go seemed impossible, but not only was it an illusion, it was an illusion she wasn't projectin anymore afterwards. Like hanging around at the end of a really good movie just hoping to be dazzled and enthralled a little more.

gosh, this is EXACTLY it.  it was so amazing, that illusion ... .almost movie-like.  in fact, i was watching a ridiculously hot sex scene tonight on True Blood, and i couldn't help but think of my ex and me.  everything that happened with us was movie-like.  i'm STILL sitting there after the credits have rolled.  and NO ONE understands this.  no one.  i honestly feel like i could kick any addiction after her. 

[GCD145]

SMP-

Whatever was so great about sex with your ex WAS ENTIRELY IN YOUR HEAD.  That's where sex happens- the physical is only the key that unlocks the doors in your mind.

You need to resolve that you are going to get past this.  You need to resolve to get yourself healthy.  You need to resolve not to wallow in self-pity, and move forward with your life.  You can shake this, your life is only ___ if you let it be.  The idea that you envy a friend with a kidney infection suggests that you are in a very bad place, and definitely need to speak to someone.  Do get the meds changed, it can make a huge difference.

GCD145