It is impersonal for a reason- as the object of their desire doesn't matter so much as the LONGING for the object.
This is how I see it as well, he is back to the adulation stage and I have returned to the pedestal, the fantasy girl, the one who got away. How would he respond if I responded?
If you answer - you will be punished after a brief Honeymoon demeanor.
That says it all, after a few weeks with me, he would probably send the same message to the one he is currently seeing. He has twice tried to cheat on her, with me. I didn't go there and refused to go there.
her essence would crush most men I know? Wow Projection of Issues with his Mother?
Thanks for this insight, he used the word crushing quite a bit when describing his feelings about being in conflict with his feelings regarding love. One of our first conversations around relationships he stated something to the effect of "it takes faith to fall in love because the person you love could be someone other than what they pretend to be, hurt you in the end, and you are left with a
crushing depression as you pick up the pieces of your shattered life." Little did I know he was actually giving himself away, his MO in relationships. Another
I ignored. And yes, his mother was absolutely brutal to him, targeted him for numerous beatings starting in his toddler years. This sickens me to think of it and is one reason I look at him with compassion and not contempt.
her patience does not exist? Gee, that's odd. Especially considering you've had the patience of a Saint when it comes to him
i still believe i have had one of the biggest impacts anyone has had on her life. i believe it takes a LONG time for them to figure this out, and even when they do, they have a hard time admitting it, and may forget it just as well a week later. but rather than "falling" for a note like that, or not believing it, or seeing it as manipulative because of ALL their other behaviors, perhaps we could look at it as a very difficult thing for him to do to reach out and communicate with you like that?
I agree with you about having impact on their lives, as you have had with your ex and I have had with mine. I know he will think of me and I do suspect he knows on some level I genuinely loved and cared for him, that is why he rejected me. He was scared out of his mind and a NPD is terrified of intimacy, although they crave it at the same time. About it being difficult for him to communicate with me on this level, no, not really. He is a womanizer, I imagine there is pages of this garbage on his computer he pulls out and reads when he is having a NPD swing of benevolent behavior. He rolls the dice and he landed on my number, like a game show, will it be girl number one, girl number two or girl number three. And the winner is GIRL NUMBER THREE. Okay, Folks what is in store for Girl number three... .a one way ticket to mind game madness. Thats right folks, an all expense paid trip to Mental Cluster F***, complete with FOG and hip waders for those slippery slopes one needs while visiting this paradise. I am only relieved this time I have this reaction rather than this one :'( Gee, I think I am finally healing.
but i truly believe deep down in her core she WANTS to, and i truly do believe there will be moments of validation like these where they reach out to us and somehow let us know, hey ... you were right. (and obviously unsigned because next week he might just wish to deny he ever wrote it).
Yes, they want too, and their angst is the travesty that keeps us stuck in our compassion for their dilemma... .my hope is your ex will heal (after all it is not as if they wake up every morning and cheerfully state "oh it feels good to be me, I just love being miserable". Thanks for your insights, and it must be difficult to work with your ex, yet bare witness to her healing process... .and you genuinely care for her continued self awareness and growth. You are a nice person.
My ex and your ex should get together.
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Take care, Folks and thanks for posting.
C
