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Beware of Junk Psychology... Just because it's on the Internet doesn't mean it's true. Not all blogs and online "life coaches" are reliable, accurate, or healthy for you. Remember, there is no oversight, no competency testing, no registration, and no accountability for many sites - it is up to you to qualify the resource. Learn how to navigate this complicated arena...
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C12P21
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 2512



« on: August 13, 2010, 01:56:27 AM »

Hello Folks,

I got this message today. Not signed. No apologies, nothing.

So typical of their behavior... .

"her eyes that pentrate my heart, her scent would drive a gay man straight, her essence would crush most men I know, her kiss... .damn miss it, her strength I admire, her patience does not exist, her love is selective, her standards are forgiving, she is the most beautiful person I have ever met... .and I _____ed it up. No sympathy please, I don't like that. Miss her, need her at times, but I have found peace knowing that I have had an experience with a woman that I will never forget and never let go. Miss you girl

Never forget and never let go... .right.

Never go for professional help is more like it... never admit that while he is pining away he is having an affair... .

sheesh, so much bs, I need to wear hip waders.

And to think, I would fall for this garbage.

C

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David Dare
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Relationship status: broke up in 10-2009
Posts: 836


« Reply #1 on: August 13, 2010, 02:06:44 AM »

Thanks for this!  This reminds me of when I broke NC the one and only time.  Wished her a happy birthday, got insanity in return.  And I thought the same thing.  At one time I ate that stuff up.  Now it's a huge Red flag/bad  (click to insert in post)  !  My ex and your ex should get together.
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SoMuchPain
Formerly KTinLove, NoMorePain
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What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 878



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« Reply #2 on: August 13, 2010, 02:14:00 AM »

it may sound a bit cocky on my end, but now being thrown into contact with my ex again via a work situation, i still believe i have had one of the biggest impacts anyone has had on her life.  i believe it takes a LONG time for them to figure this out, and even when they do, they have a hard time admitting it, and may forget it just as well a week later.  but rather than "falling" for a note like that, or not believing it, or seeing it as manipulative because of ALL their other behaviors, perhaps we could look at it as a very difficult thing for him to do to reach out and communicate with you like that?  

the only reason i can say all this now is from talking to my ex and seeing her changes in just a 6 month time span.  of course, right now she probably attributes all her "happiness" and "stableness" to the new girl who has an intimacy problem as well ... .but i think new girl is very important in being the one by her side in my ex's recovery ... .so that my ex is not alone during, but also isn't hurting from the deep emotional connection that she just cannot handle at this point.  not saying i believe my ex and i will ever be together again, or if she will EVER be able to handle that type of closeness, but i truly believe deep down in her core she WANTS to, and i truly do believe there will be moments of validation like these where they reach out to us and somehow let us know,  hey ... you were right.  (and obviously unsigned because next week he might just wish to deny he ever wrote it).  


and as a sidebar, i truly believe my ex is starting in the early stages of recovery.  she has yet to stick with professional help, but she has been eliminating the negative people in her life, has cut WAY back on drinking, and even when she does drink, she doesnt drink hard liquor, and got a new tattoo on the inside of her wrist that says "let it be".  (that was her choice spot to burn).  she has clearly listened intently to my past suggestion of BPD, as now working with her in a psychiatric hospital and going through orientation, i see her intently reading the page in our manual about BPD, and when another classmate mentioned "i hate you, don't leave me", i saw her write down the name of the book in her notebook.  (kinda wishing someone mentioned a more updated verison, but oh well).  this has all been amazingly fascinating to watch, btw.
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2010
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Posts: 808


« Reply #3 on: August 13, 2010, 05:04:21 AM »

He's Trolling. AND he's talking in the third person. Most narcissists talk about people in the third person, including themselves. They say "her" and "she" instead of "you." It is impersonal for a reason- as the object of their desire doesn't matter so much as the LONGING for the object. And the longing is what elicits a narcissistic signal. The signal (text) is like an electronic pulse of what he's longing for at the moment. Tomorrow may be a different story... .

If you respond angrily- the text he sent (in third person) can be denied as mis-sent and intended for another, even though that's not true at all. He can easily turn it around on you in a transformation of aggression. After all, he's trolling and just wants a response. If you answer - you will be punished after a brief Honeymoon demeanor.

Excerpt
"her eyes that pentrate my heart, her scent would drive a gay man straight, her essence would crush most men I know, her kiss... .damn miss it, her strength I admire, her patience does not exist, her love is selective, her standards are forgiving, she is the most beautiful person I have ever met... .and I effed it up. No sympathy please, I don't like that. Miss her, need her at times, but I have found peace knowing that I have had an experience with a woman that I will never forget and never let go. Miss you girl

her patience does not exist? Gee, that's odd. Especially considering you've had the patience of a Saint when it comes to him.

her love is selective? Well, sure. Otherwise you'd have gone off to "love" someone else like he did. Notice how I use love in quotes.

her standards are forgiving? What DOES that mean? Sorry, lost me there unless it means your standards are such that he knows you'll forgive him.

her essence would crush most men I know? Wow   Projection of Issues with his Mother?

a woman that I will never let go... .   Subliminal Projection intended to mess with your head.

No sympathy please, I don't like that. OK~ Quit trolling, then!  Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)

I hope you can see this for what it's worth.

she is the most beautiful person I have ever met... .and I effed it up but I have found peace knowing that I had the experience. Goodbye and God Bless.  Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)


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C12P21
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 2512



« Reply #4 on: August 13, 2010, 10:40:10 AM »

Excerpt
It is impersonal for a reason- as the object of their desire doesn't matter so much as the LONGING for the object.

This is how I see it as well, he is back to the adulation stage and I have returned to the pedestal, the fantasy girl, the one who got away. How would he respond if I responded?

Excerpt
If you answer - you will be punished after a brief Honeymoon demeanor.

That says it all, after a few weeks with me, he would probably send the same message to the one he is currently seeing. He has twice tried to cheat on her, with me. I didn't go there and refused to go there.

Excerpt
her essence would crush most men I know? Wow   Projection of Issues with his Mother?

Thanks for this insight, he used the word crushing quite a bit when describing his feelings about being in conflict with his feelings regarding love. One of our first conversations around relationships he stated something to the effect of "it takes faith to fall in love because the person you love could be someone other than what they pretend to be, hurt you in the end, and you are left with a crushing depression as you pick up the pieces of your shattered life." Little did I know he was actually giving himself away, his MO in relationships. Another Red flag/bad  (click to insert in post)  I ignored. And yes, his mother was absolutely brutal to him, targeted him for numerous beatings starting in his toddler years. This sickens me to think of it and is one reason I look at him with compassion and not contempt.

Excerpt
her patience does not exist? Gee, that's odd. Especially considering you've had the patience of a Saint when it comes to him

Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)

Excerpt
i still believe i have had one of the biggest impacts anyone has had on her life.  i believe it takes a LONG time for them to figure this out, and even when they do, they have a hard time admitting it, and may forget it just as well a week later.  but rather than "falling" for a note like that, or not believing it, or seeing it as manipulative because of ALL their other behaviors, perhaps we could look at it as a very difficult thing for him to do to reach out and communicate with you like that? 

I agree with you about having impact on their lives, as you have had with your ex and I have had with mine. I know he will think of me and I do suspect he knows on some level I genuinely loved and cared for him, that is why he rejected me. He was scared out of his mind and a NPD is terrified of intimacy, although they crave it at the same time. About it being difficult for him to communicate with me on this level, no, not really. He is a womanizer, I imagine there is pages of this garbage on his computer he pulls out and reads when he is having a NPD swing of benevolent behavior. He rolls the dice and he landed on my number, like a game show, will it be girl number one, girl number two or girl number three. And the winner is GIRL NUMBER THREE. Okay, Folks what is in store for Girl number three... .a one way ticket to mind game madness. Thats right folks, an all expense paid trip to Mental Cluster F***, complete with FOG and hip waders for those slippery slopes one needs while visiting this paradise. I am only relieved this time I have this reaction      rather than this one  :'(    Gee, I think I am finally healing. 

Excerpt
but i truly believe deep down in her core she WANTS to, and i truly do believe there will be moments of validation like these where they reach out to us and somehow let us know,  hey ... you were right.  (and obviously unsigned because next week he might just wish to deny he ever wrote it).   

Yes, they want too, and their angst is the travesty that keeps us stuck in our compassion for their dilemma... .my hope is your ex will heal (after all it is not as if they wake up every morning and cheerfully state "oh it feels good to be me, I just love being miserable". Thanks for your insights, and it must be difficult to work with your ex, yet bare witness to her healing process... .and you genuinely care for her continued self awareness and growth.    You are a nice person.

Excerpt
My ex and your ex should get together.

  Laugh out loud (click to insert in post).

Take care, Folks and thanks for posting.

C Being cool (click to insert in post)
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