I doubt if T is challenging... .she needs to build the relationship first.
That sounds like you're not sure whether or not you can trust this person and I understand. Perhaps it's not what's being said, but its the way that the Therapist is saying it. Wounds are raw and open and advice sometimes pours the salt burn. I've found that a Therapist's job wasn't to tell me how they felt about the situation and what to do about it- but to engage in dialogue so I could figure things out on my own accord.
An0ught: Just saying this because 2 of the 3 examples you offered were about your X - not about you.
An0ught brings up a very good point. When beginning therapy, people come in pointing fingers away from themselves. It is the Therapist's *job* to turn the finger back into the chest- right at the heart of the matter. That's the only person that counts in the therapy- the one in the room with the broken heart.
'why do you attract these pd types?' ... .is there more than one?
Certainly this could have been rephrased as: Do you think this woman was attracted to you for a reason? What could that reason be? (How do you see yourself?)
and... .Is this a familiar situation for you or is this the first time in a dramatic and chaotic relationship?
A little bit of back history is important to gather for therapy and it has to be done without narcissistic injury to the client's ego. That means the dis-allowance of self blame until you are stabilized in your acceptance that the relationship was a cipher for past unresolved conflict. It has a lesson and one that you wish to recover from. Eventually you'll find out what it is and move forward to live a happier life. That requires a complete letting go of the idealized self and coming to terms with the feelings that arise during growth of the pained, hidden, true self that wants emancipation from required perfection. That true self has all the answers you seek. You'll find that the more you dig, the more you'll uncover that voice.
Sometimes, when people ask me for advice, I listen for a while, and then ask a question like this: "Suppose you were talking to a very wise person. What would he or she advise you to do?” That's the true self you have deep inside of you.
Don't give up on therapy- but if the comments made by the Therapist bother you- write them down and discuss them on the next visit. To speak your mind clearly and without rancor while emotions are flared- is a great skill and takes practice. Therapy is one way to overcome voicelessness and feel the strong emotions that come from the pain. Good luck and keep your chin up. Press on. It will get better, I promise~
